


Better Days

by insomniacjams



Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-02
Updated: 2014-04-02
Packaged: 2018-01-17 21:09:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 39,012
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1402537
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/insomniacjams/pseuds/insomniacjams
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>the college au that nobody asked for</p>
            </blockquote>





	Better Days

**Author's Note:**

> There should be a lot of warnings included in this, but I'm awful at putting them into words and even worse than that, I can't actually remember what's in here -- there's probably homophobic language, references to mental illness, especially depression along with some other things that may make you uncomfortable.
> 
> I didn't mean to write this; I started it on a whim and now here we go. I ran out of steam part way through so it's not beta'd, it's not edited, I haven't even read it since I reached the end. It's just a rough draft I couldn't just leave to rot in my folder of other WIP's because I know I'm not going to finish this.
> 
> It's slow moving, kind of. Not a lot happens. There's a ton of plot holes, and inaccurate characterization. I had no help on this because I don't have a lot of friends in the fandom, so there are no thank yous, except to you, for reading this.

**AUGUST**

Tyler doesn't claim anything that took place in the past year to be his proudest moment. In fact, for the most part, he likes to forget it all happened -- not just the past year, but his entire stint at Boston College, from the disastrous first year frat parties, to dating-but-not-dating Brad, to the messy break-up that indirectly led to Tyler's expulsion. He made it home with his tail between his legs for a whole week before his family gave up on his moping, and shipped him off to college in Victoria, on the other side of the country.

At least, Tyler thinks bitterly as he tugs his suitcase through the airport, he's as far as Boston as he can get. It's late. Though it's mid-summer, there's no sign of the heat he'd grown accustomed to. Instead, there's a light breeze that cuts through his sweatshirt like a taste of winter trying to weave its way into August. He finds a cab with a middle-aged, wan-faced, balding driver whose tired eyes contradict his wide smile and steady hands as he heaves Tyler's suitcase into the trunk.

He watches street lights pass along the highway and dozes against the window until the driver gives him a friendly tap on the arm. "We're here." 

"Thanks," Tyler pays him with his credit card and insists he can haul the suitcase from the trunk himself. The cabbie leaves him standing in front of a bland apartment building with a flickering lobby light and tall trees on all sides. He sighs, and though it's late, he knows his roommate is expecting him, so he presses the buzzer for apartment number 402 and waits.

"H'lo?" The buzzer crackles to life and Tyler scrambles to find his voice.

"Hey, I'm Tyler, I'm supposed-" He's cut off by a high-pitched squeak, and the door in front of him is buzzing, so he yanks it open before he misses the chance and embarrasses himself when he has to buzz again.

He stares at the stains on the carpet as he waits for the elevator; he thinks about what the student housing person had told him about his new roommate -- his name is Eddie, and he's an exchange student from Norrtälje, Sweden. He's been in Victoria for a full 24 hours longer than Tyler.

When he lugs his suitcase out of the elevator and down the hallway, he sees the door to apartment 402 hanging open like an awkward invitation. He shrugs through the doorway and toes off his shoes, dumping his stuff in the entryway and kicking the door shut behind him. "Hello?"

"Hi!" Tyler jerks his head up fast, neck snapping as he sees a tall, lanky kid with a bit of stubble and obscenely wide eyes. "You must be Tyler."

"Yeah," he mumbles. "You're Eddie?" 

"That's me," Eddie grins. He stands there, wringing his hands together, teetering back and forth from his heels to his toes, like he's waiting for Tyler to say something else. 

"So, uhm, how's the place so far?" Tyler asks, grappling at his sleep-deprived brain for conversation.

"Good, uh, furnished," Eddie smiled. "It's no Ikea, but it'll do- oh, I guess I should show you around," he says, practically bouncing forward as Tyler follows him at a much slower pace. To be honest, it's a two bedroom apartment- there isn't much to be seen. 

The garbage can is hiding under the kitchen sink; the tap leaks a bit from the edge, and there's a bottle of dish soap near the taps. The fridge is squeaky clean and holds the remains of a half-eaten pizza from Panago (Eddie's, of course). The living and dining area are connected, with a black faux leather couch that looks cold to the touch, decorated with a few suede cushions, and a rectangular table with four mismatched chairs. The router is resting on the floor in the far corner.

There's a balcony that overlooks a bleak garden with a few petunias amongst the grass and dirt, but not much else. Eddie points to the room he already claimed, which turns out to be the smaller of the two (that's fine, Tyler won't complain about that at all).

Tyler's room contains a single bed, desk, computer chair, and a medium-sized closet that could hold far more than his clothes. Eddie's got boxes of stuff lying everywhere, so Tyler doesn't feel bad about dropping a sheet from the closet on his mattress and leaving his suitcase in the hall to deal with in the morning.

"Goodnight," he calls down the hall, since he hadn't bothered to close his door and change his clothes, but Eddie's already gone, drowned in the sounds from his own headphones. Tyler closes his eyes -- it doesn't take him long to sleep after that.

xvx

Eddie's already unpacked and gone by the time Tyler gets up; it's well past noon, and he's feeling slightly refreshed, if not fully rejuvenated. He takes his time meticulously picking apart his suitcase and finding homes for all his things, which isn't nearly as daunting a task as it felt the night before. 

Unfortunately, after he's unpacked and checked in with a few friends on Facebook (who is he kidding, it's just Brownie, he doesn't have any other friends), he realizes he needs to eat.

Tyler doesn't know which way leads into town, or have any change for the bus, so he just wanders down the road his apartment is on until he reaches a clutter of shops, and walks into the first place he sees that serves food.

It's one of those all-day breakfast places, but as is a trend in Victoria, Tyler has heard, it's vegan/vegetarian friendly, and they used locally sourced ingredients. It's a small place, but it's busy, bustling with conversation and movement throughout. The waitresses are running back and forth looking frazzled -- Tyler hates sitting at tables by himself, so he requests the hostess seat him at the bar.

"Hey, thanks for coming to Fer, what can I get you to drink?" Tyler looks up at the tattooed arms, then to the thick, black rimmed glasses and forces a smile. "Just a coffee to start, please?"

"Definitely," the guy jots something down on his notepad, and drops a menu in the shape of a flower in front of Tyler. "I'm Andrew; just shout if you need me," he says, and then he's immediately whisked away by another customer. 

Two minutes later, Andrew returns with a coffee that smells like the perfect blend. "Are you ready to order or do you need more time?"

"Just, uh, what do you recommend?" Tyler asks, watching the muscles on Andrew's arm flex as he flips the pen around his fingers. 

"Everything," Andrew laughs. "Honestly though, the omelets are always good but I always recommend the chef's special- today they're bagel sandwiches with egg, avocado, cheese and bacon. It comes with a side of hash browns and fruit bowl as well."

"I'll take it," Tyler says with what he hopes is a friendly smile, and watches Andrew's ass as he runs the order to the kitchen. 

"Do you get a break, like, ever?" Tyler asks as Andrew rushes over to him with the food in record time. "Not that you suck at your job or anything," he assures Andrew hurriedly, "but you look like you've been running a marathon."

"Then you probably don't want to see me after I've actually gone for a run," Andrew says, but looks around the room quickly before untying his apron and tossing it behind the bar. "I guess I can afford a break."

"Your boss won't care?" Tyler raises an eyebrow. "That's awesome."

"That's the perk of owning the place," Andrew winks, and it looks so stupid Tyler has to laugh.

"I'm Tyler," he introduces himself with a smile.

"Nice to meet you, Tyler," Andrew grins back. "I don't think I've seen you around before," Andrew comments, ducking behind the bar to pour himself a coffee before planting his (beautiful) ass down on the stood next to Tyler, who tries to look less starving by eating his food at a slightly more human pace. "I think I'd remember," Andrew adds, wiggling his eyebrows in a truly hilarious manner.

Tyler laughs and tries not to spit his bagel all over Andrew's face. "I just moved here. I got in this morning at some ungodly hour, and I didn't have food at home. You'll probably see me here all the time now, since I live down the street from this place."

"That's fantastic," Andrew grins. "I'm glad you like the food."

"Oh, the food's okay, I guess," Tyler drawls; he's trying hard to retain his Ontario accent now that he's back in Canada, and not sound like he spent his past few years in Boston. 

"Just okay?" Andrew asks, raising an eyebrow.

"Well, I mean, it's breakfast," Tyler laughs, "but your service is awesome. Not hard to look at either." 

Andrew bites back a smile. "I'm glad you think so. So, Tyler, what brings you to the west coast?"

He shifts awkwardly for a moment, shifting over the events in the past few months that led him here. "I needed a change in scenery; it seemed like a promising place to go," he finally says.

"Are you going to school, or working?"

"I'll probably need to find a job," Tyler says grimly. He's heard quite a few unsavory things about the job market on this side of the country though, and he's not looking forward to wading into those waters. "I should probably figure out the school thing first though- I'm studying at the college here."

"What are you taking? I went there for a few years before I transferred to a school over in Edmonton to get my masters."

"I started out studying economics in the US, but I found out that not a lot of my courses transfer over here, so I basically have to start over from square one. I think I'm going for a hospitality and management route this time around."

"It's a fun degree to study," Andrew says. "I started that way but I switched partway to something else- one of my cooks, Nugget, er, uh, Ryan, he's in the program now and he loves it."

"That's awesome-" Tyler frowns as he's interrupted.

"Ference, Nugget's taking a break. We need you in the kitchen. Table 14, order up!" A voice calls from the back, and Andrew sighs, reaching for the apron he tossed aside earlier. 

"Guess that's me," he stands, looking longingly at his half-empty coffee. "We're usually quietest before nine or after two," he says to Tyler. "Call Jordan-" he points to a brunette with gap-teeth wiping down the bar at the other end, "-if you need anything else."

"Just my bill I guess," Tyler says, draining the rest of his coffee.

"On the house," Andrew tells him. "Welcome to Victoria, Tyler. I hope you grow to love it like we do."

Tyler laughs. "If everyone's like you, I'm sure I'll feel right at home."

xvx

He wanders around the area instead of heading straight back to the apartment which turns out to be beneficial when he finds a supermarket and loads his backpack up with groceries.

Eddie's in the living room with a couple of his friends, all of them speaking in fast Swedish -- Tyler catches "Fuck" a few times before he's even got his shoes off -- while trying to set up a huge TV, a tangle of game systems and a cable box at their feet while a frazzled looking technician from a local cable company stands by watching, baffled.

"Hi," Tyler says, poking his head into the room.

"Hey!" Eddie calls, waving him over. "These are my friends, Gabe, and Elias. Guys, this is Tyler. He is my roommate." 

"Nice to meet you," he says, looking quickly between Eddie and the cable guy. "So, uh, we're getting cable?"

"Yeah! That's what this guy's here for!"

"Right, well I'll let you take care of that," Tyler says, heading to the kitchen where he begins to dump his groceries in the fridge. 

"Oh, where'd you get the food?" Gabe asks, ducking into the kitchen after Tyler.

"There's a supermarket not too far down the road and a bit to the left." Gabe's got a charming smile, great physique, bright blue eyes, wind-ruffled blonde hair, and talks like he's from Toronto. Tyler thinks Sweden just has an unfair gene advantage.

"Oh, that's good to know!" Gabe sounds genuinely curious. "I live next door with Elias and our friend Jeff," he explains. "I don't think Jeff's actually supposed to be here though, so don't say anything. He's just, uh, borrowing our couch until he gets back on his feet."

"I won't tell," Tyler says.

"Pinkie promise?"

Tyler looks at Gabe, incredulous, but hooks his pinky around Gabe's anyway. He thinks the way Gabe's whole face lights up makes it worth it. 

After the cable is set up and the game systems have been shoved aside, Tyler ends up cooking a massive pot of pasta for all of them, and they eat on the floor despite the perfectly good couch and table, talking about everything and anything -- hockey, school, Sweden, Canada, and food.

"I found this all-day breakfast place down the street," Tyler says enthusiastically around a mouthful of pasta as some car blows up on the TV (someone put on one of those Fast and Furious movies at some point in the night). "It's called Fer, and the owner is awesome."

"We should go there together sometime," Gabe says sunnily, and Tyler would be a mad-man to disagree.

After Gabe and Elias leave, and Eddie zones out on the couch to the TV, Tyler retreats to his room to Skype Brownie. "Hey," Brownie greets him. He's sitting, well, spinning on his chair in his dorm room where he's studying in New York. "Met any babes yet?" He asks before Tyler can even get a word in.

"Yeah," Tyler shrugs.

"You attract them," Brownie states. He's eating a pudding cup. He looks ridiculous in his oversized Flyers t-shirt and moose-print pajama pants. "I mean it, dude. You're, like, surrounded by beauties."

"Great," Tyler laughs it off, but he thinks about his day -- he thinks about Eddie, the string-bean of enthusiasm that leaks joy, he thinks about Andrew and Fer, and he thinks about Gabe with his million dollar smile. He really does attract them.

"You're realizing it now," Brownie narrates Tyler's inner monologue, and Tyler groans, dropping his head into his hands.

"Why do you know me so well?"

"Best friends," Brownie reminds him cheekily.

When Tyler crawls into his bed that night, he feels a bit better about Victoria. Actually, he feels a bit better about life, in general.

xvx

He and Eddie go shopping for school supplies the next day at some big box office supply store downtown that advertises "BTS - BACK TO SCHOOL - Door Crasher Specials!" across the front window display.

They'd tried to bang on Gabe and Elias' door, but their friend Jeff answered, saying they'd gone out hiking for the day. It's absolutely gorgeous out -- a fantastic day for a hike -- Tyler's kind of jealous, since he doesn't even know where to start when looking for hiking spots around town. 

"Here, notebooks," Eddie interrupts Tyler's thoughts as he tosses a few exercise books at Tyler's head. He catches them hastily, and retaliates by throwing erasers at Eddie general direction.

They fill their baskets like that, throwing things from the shelves into each other's arms and flailing to catch them. Tyler only drops a package of loose-leaf and a calculator, so he leaves the store feeling fairly accomplished.

Eddie's not terrible company -- he doesn't calm down, ever, but Tyler's used to that. Brad used to be like that, he thinks, but shuts down his thoughts immediately. "Are you hungry?" He asks, because he's always hungry, and they're in the heart of town which means there has to be good food somewhere.

"Food truck!" Eddie says, which doesn't really answer Tyler's question, but he follows Eddie's finger to where there's a Mexican food truck parked. 

Eddie's already bouncing forward excitedly, so Tyler trails after him to the food truck -- they then proceed to stuff their faces with some of the best burritos Tyler has ever eaten in his entire life.

"Y'know," Eddie says, looking out into the harbor from the bench where they're sitting, "Canada is nice."

"It's not Sweden," Tyler says, because he's been to Sweden, and Sweden is nice.

"No, it's not," Eddie says, taking an impressively large bite of his burrito, "but that's why I like it."

"Yeah," Tyler smiles. "Me too."

"You like Victoria because it's not Sweden?" Eddie turns away from his burrito, looking confused.

Tyler laughs, a sound that startles himself.

Yeah, he thinks, he likes it here a lot.

xvx

Andrew isn't in sight the second time Tyler makes it to Fer; he ends up asking Jordan, the gap-toothed waiter, for him -- Jordan gives him an unreadable expression before disappearing into the kitchen, leaving Tyler twiddling his thumbs at the bar.

There's a racket from the back, a loud metallic clang, then someone yelling "Shit!"

"He's not my boyfriend," Andrew's voice carries out into the dining area, followed by snickering, and someone pushing him through the doors.

"No, really guys, Patrice is in Quebec-" Then Andrew's standing right in front of Tyler while Jordan, and another guy he doesn't recognize (must be a cook) shoves Andrew in his direction and disappears.

"You're not-" Andrew sighs, running his hand through his already disheveled hair. "I have a boyfriend. His name is Patrice, and he lives in Quebec. Don't let these assholes tell you anything otherwise. They don't think he's real." 

Tyler raises an eyebrow.

"He's real!" Andrew insists, which makes Tyler laugh. 

He learns a lot about Andrew that day; he learns that Andrew named the joint "Fer" from the first part of his last name -- "My boyfriend tells me it's French for iron, and he calls me his iron man." He's from Alberta, and he's been back and forth between Edmonton and various cities along the coast for his whole life. He used to play hockey as a kid, and almost went pro before deciding he wanted a life where he didn't have to worry about head injuries at work -- he doesn't think this place is a huge improvement from that though.

Tyler tells him about the time he woke up one morning and realized he didn't know what he wanted out of life. Andrew laughs, claps him on the shoulder, and tells him to keep his head up when he's skating across the blue line. Then he says, "You're still young, kid. You've got the rest of your life to figure that shit out." And it's true, sitting here with Andrew, it's the first time Tyler's felt his age in years.

Though he goes to eat there often, he makes it a habit to go to Fer for breakfast on Saturdays -- it's quiet enough in the mornings, and seeing Andrew's smiling face becomes the best motivation for getting Tyler out of bed before nine. 

By the end of the month, Andrew's introduced him to most of the staff, including Nugget, otherwise known as Ryan, the kid who's studying the same program as Tyler in college. "Get to know each other," Andrew says, and leaves them to chat.

They don't talk about school, which in hindsight wasn't Tyler's brightest moment, but they talk about hockey a lot, and that, Tyler figures, is just as good.

On the last Saturday of August, Tyler runs into Gabe coming in from his morning run in lobby, and ends up waiting half an hour for him to shower and beautify himself in order to take him to Fer like he promised back when they'd first met.

"A table today?" Jordan laughs when he sees Tyler. "Fancy. Oh, who's your friend? Andrew, your boyfriend's on a date," Jordan bellows toward the kitchen. Tyler rolls his eyes.

"You can ignore him," he tells Gabe. "Actually, please ignore him."

"What can I get you to drink?" Jordan asks Gabe pointedly, which makes him smile wide. 

"Could I just get a coffee please?"

"Coming right up," Jordan nods.

"Your usual?"

"Yeah," Tyler rolls his eyes because his usual is actually just a coffee -- Jordan's just being a prick. 

He's expecting Jordan to come back with the food as he listens to Gabe chatter about how excited he is for the upcoming school semester, but Andrew shows up instead, smiling.

"Hey, are you going to introduce me?" He asks as he drops the plates in front of them. 

"This is Andrew," Tyler says with an exaggerated hand gesture. "He owns this place. Andrew, this is my friend and neighbor Gabe. He's an exchange student from Sweden."

"Nice to meet you. I hope you enjoy the food," Andrew says with a smile.

"Thanks," Gabe says, genuinely surprised as he takes a bite of his omelet. "This is amazing."

"You're not going to join us?" Tyler asks, sticking out his bottom lip in a pout.

"Yeah, aren't you going to interrupt your boyfriend's date?" Ryan asks, wandering out of the kitchen to sling his arm over Andrew's shoulder and lean heavily against him. Andrew shoves him back.

"Tyler is not my boyfriend, and get back in the kitchen," Andrew groans, pushing Nugget back toward the doors. "Nuge, seriously," he sighs as Ryan keeps his feet planted firmly to the ground.

"You need more friends, Andrew," Ryan says before giving in and darting back to the kitchen.

"Nugget!" Andrew calls sharply, attracting the attention of most people in the room. Ryan skids to a stop, and turns around.

"Yes boss?"

"Make me breakfast," Andrew says, and Ryan laughs his way through the kitchen.

As it goes, Gabe gets along wonderfully with Andrew -- they talk enthusiastically about the 100 mile diet, fitness regimens, and the best places to enjoy the outdoors around town. Tyler sits back, sips his coffee, and admires the life he's built himself in the three weeks he's been in this city he already thinks of as home.

**SEPTEMBER**

School begins on a Tuesday in September, the day following Labour Day. There are free hot dogs and booths for every club imaginable lining the walkways on campus.

Ryan claims he's running some sort of booth for the student union and tells Tyler to drop by; he's lost Eddie, Gabe, and Elias somewhere to the lure of hot dogs, so now he's stumbling through campus alone and slightly disorientated.

Everyone's moving around him in groups or in pairs. Eyes follow him as he strolls past each booth, some full of bored students tossing around tennis balls or fidgeting, others full of aggressive salesmen in the making, trying to shove flyers under Tyler's nose. 

He doesn't find Ryan at the end of the particular path he's walking down, but he does find a booth with a rainbow flag hanging from the end, with no occupants in sight. Tyler casually strolls over and reads the sign that says "GAY-STRAIGHT ALLIANCE -- ALL WELCOME" in a rainbow gradient. He almost laughs at how tacky it looks, but doesn't as he's too startled by the tall, broad guy that appeared out of nowhere, with wide doe eyes staring right at him.

"Hi." Tyler waves kind of awkwardly. The guy looks a bit like a linebacker. Tyler's not a small guy, but this dude looks like he could take Tyler out without a second thought.

"Hello." His English is slow, each syllable pronounced carefully with a thick accent that's clearly Slavic. "I am Val Nichushkin."

"I'm Tyler," he says, reaching out to shake Val's hand -- he has a surprisingly soft grip. 

"So you, uh, want to join?" Val asks, and well, he looks so hopeful behind those wide eyes that Tyler has to nod. It's not like it'd be a bad thing to be part of a GSA anyway; he's never been a part of something like it before.

"Great!" Val claps his hands together enthusiastically. "First meeting on Thursday night in north building -- room 229. Here, take-" Val hands him a pamphlet that outlines the meeting times and activities that happen throughout the year. "Read that; it can explain better than me. Bring friends?" 

Tyler nods again. He flips through the pamphlet as he goes in the other direction, still intent on finding Ryan. The GSA looks fairly active, and seems to be a tight-knit group of mostly guys that have moving nights, go to hockey games, and throw theme parties (Tyler's inner dork is squealing a bit at that one). 

The campus Tyler's on is mostly male; he notices it right away. He knows that, according to Ryan, it's due to the trades' school on the site. The school is a lot smaller than he's used to from Boston, and he finds the Student Union booth easily once he knows it's not down the path he'd just walked.

"Hey," Ryan greets him as Tyler approaches. "What've you got? Joining clubs?"

"Kind of," Tyler tells him, showing the pamphlets in his hand.

"Ah, the GSA," Ryan smiles a bit crookedly. "They're a nice group of guys, but it's a small clubs since their marketing sucks. I keep telling the rest of the student union guys that we need to work with them to help them get the word out, but a couple of the committee members aren't really on board with that."

"Really?" Tyler is genuinely surprised.

"Oh, not like that," Ryan says hastily, realizing what it must sound like. "They're not against it or anything, they just don't want to take on more work. We're all lazy fucks." Tyler laughs, a bit relieved.

"So, it's not a bad idea to join then? The guy at the booth just looked like a kicked puppy, all alone in the corner..."

"I was going to join the GSA actually, but this and work eats up all my time. Val's a good guy; there's supposed to be someone with him right now but I guess something happened to him."

"Oh, you know Val?"

"Yeah. He moved in with my friend Nail," Ryan explains. "They're both exchange students from Russia, and when Val's not with the GSA they spend a lot of time together, which honestly isn't helping their English at all. Now come on, I need lunch."

Ryan brings Tyler to a tiny diner fifteen minutes from campus called The Devil's Lodge. They serve greasy burgers and boast the best onion rings in town, and the walls are decorated with NHL memorabilia. Tyler falls in love before his ass lands in a vinyl booth. 

"We hang out here between classes and stuff. Marty loves us... Right?" Ryan turns to smile at the guy who'd just walked up to their table.

"I think I have to. You keep this place open," he says. "I'm Martin. You must be new here."

"Yeah, I'm Tyler. Do you own this place? It's amazing."

"I do, and thank you," Marty says. He's got greying hair, a bit of a belly, and a contagious smile. "I used to be a culinary arts student -- obviously I didn't exactly have a taste for high class. I accepted my fate."

"Marty's the best," Ryan giggles.

"Nugget's an idiot," Marty volunteers. "Can I get you a drink, Tyler?"

"Yeah, a ginger ale, thanks," Tyler smiles so hard his cheeks hurt. 

xvx

Eddie is taking a lot of classes that involve numbers -- Tyler reads his schedule over his shoulder as Eddie doodles on his notebook. "Finance, accounting, statistics..."

"It's fun," Eddie says flippantly, which makes Tyler roll his eyes. He's never been a math person though, so he can't argue it. 

"Are you busy Thursday night?" Tyler asks casually as he pulls away from his roommate's shoulder and putters around the kitchen to make himself a sandwich for dinner.

"Well Gabe and Elias were going to come over and play video games or something," Eddie says, watching curiously as Tyler eats his sandwich. "What's in that?"

"Bacon and egg. Have you never had breakfast for dinner?" Eddie raises an eyebrow. "Anyway, I wanted to ask you if you'd come to this meeting with me. I might have accidentally joined the Gay Straight Alliance?"

"There's a GSA at our school?"

"Yeah, I didn't know either, but I stumbled across the booth when I was looking for a friend."

"Right," Eddie says. "Well if you can get Gabe and Elias to go, I'll be there."  
Tyler finishes his sandwich in a large bite, and nods.

"Guess I'm going next door," he says, and Eddie gives a dismissive wave as Tyler leaves the apartment. 

The door is unlocked, so he pokes his head in. "Gabe, Elias, you guys home?" 

"Yeah, living room," Gabe calls back. Their apartment is a near mirror image of Tyler and Eddie's, and it's easy to find his way to the living area. The two Swedes have turned the room into a large blanket and pillow fort, apparently involving every piece of furniture they own, including their mattresses.

"You look cozy," Tyler comments as he crouches down to peer through the entrance. Elias is bundled up in his sleeping bag and using a thick textbook as a pillow, while Gabe is a sausage roll of blankets, with his belly on a pillow and nose in a book. 

"Yeah, Jeff got his shit figured out and moved out, so we did this," Elias says, like converting a room into a giant fort is a normal response to a friend vacating the apartment. 

"C'mon, there are more blankets," Gabe says, reaching out an arm to grab a handful of Tyler's t-shirt and drag him into the fort. Tyler stumbles, trying not to land on his face as he flops down next to Gabe. "So, what's up?"

"Oh, uh, I was wondering if you guys wanted to come to a meeting with me on Thursday night."

"What kind of meeting?" Elias asks, lifting his head from the textbook and propping his chin on his hands. Gabe grins, and throws a blanket over Tyler's back.

"A GSA meeting."

"What's a GSA? Is it like the Goose States of America or something?"

"What the hell?" Gabe snorts.

"Gay Straight Alliance," Tyler clarifies, rolling his eyes and smacking Gabe who's chuckling into his book. 

"Oh." Elias frowns, looking like he's thinking very hard. "I'm not gay though."

"You don't have to be," Tyler says. "It just shows you support people who are."

"Oh." Elias reaches up to scratch his head. 

"There's probably going to be snacks," Tyler pulls out the big guns.

"I guess I have to go now," Elias says. "Is Eddie going?"

"If you are," Tyler tells him.

"Yeah, I'll go," Elias confirms. Tyler turns to look at Gabe, who's chewing on his lip. "Are you coming?" Elias asks him.

"I, uh, I don't know," Gabe says, hiding his face. It's dark in the fort, but Tyler can still tell Gabe is blushing because his neck and ears are flushed. 

Elias says something softly in Swedish, which makes Gabe look up, and nod. "Want to tell him?" Elias asks, and Gabe just shrugs, so Elias continues to talk. "Gabe had a bad experience with a GSA in high school." He doesn't elaborate though, and Tyler knows better than to push.

"Well, I've never been part of anything like that before, so I'm going to check it out. If anything weird happens, you know we're going to be there too, right?"

"Right," Gabe says quietly. "I can go, if you guys and Eddie are going."

"Don't let us force you into anything. I get it if you want to back out," Tyler says, but Gabe shakes his head as Elias babbles something fast in Swedish into his ear.

"It's fine. I'll be there," Gabe gives a weak smile, which Tyler gratefully returns. 

"Great," Tyler says, making a move to leave the fort and head back to his apartment. 

"Wait, where are you going?" Elias asks. "We were just going to put on a movie."

"Stay," Gabe demands.

Tyler stays.

xvx

Andrew laughs when Tyler tells him he's going to a GSA meeting. "No, no, I'm not saying it's a bad thing," he chokes out, "It's just that I used to be the president of that club. The president now, his name is Jamie, and his puppy Val, they're great guys. You'll get on great. I wish they stopped by here more often."

"Great," Tyler raises an eyebrow. 

"Seriously though," Andrew says, plopping down onto the seat, "I'm happy for you. You seem to be settling in well. I know a lot of people who move here for the ocean and leave almost just as quick because they can't make friends, handle the high cost of living, or keep their grades up between smoking too much weed and living the island life."

"I definitely didn't move here for the ocean," Tyler snorts at his coffee. "I moved here because this is the farthest I can get from my ex without leaving the continent, or going to like, Alaska or something. I wanted a new life, so now I'm getting one."

"I like that attitude," Andrew says, ruffling Tyler's hair. "But you can't run forever, you know. Whatever you're trying to leave, it'll find you if you haven't let it go."

"I'm working on that," Tyler thinks of the flood of emails in his inbox. 

"I hope so," Andrew smiles. "I kind of like having you around."

"How's Patrice?" Tyler changes the topic. He's not quite in denial about the existence of Andrew's supposedly perfect boyfriend, but he has yet to see a sign he's real (Ryan's been real convincing). 

"He's good," Andrew launches into another anecdote about their summer together in Montreal, and Tyler digs into his turkey sandwich.

xvx

Tyler walks into the GSA meeting flanked by Swedes on both sides; Elias and Eddie have made him their leader, trailing after him like pets, whereas Gabe walks ten feet behind them, kicking at pebbles all the way up the walkway, until they're in the building -- then he just scuffs his toe into the linoleum.

The classroom is wide, with rows of long desks -- more guys are sitting on the desks than in the chairs, sprawled out lazily and chatting with everyone across the room. The windows are wide and tall; the sun is setting and the glare reflects off the white board at the front. 

"Tyler, you made it!" Val rushes over to the door, pulling Tyler into a hug like an old friend. "You bring friends!"

"Yeah," he grins. "Val, this is Eddie and Elias -- Gabe is back there, uh, somewhere."

"I am Val Nichushkin," he says, shaking their hands with a dopey grin on his face. He leads them to a side of the room where he'd been standing with a few guys that Tyler doesn't recognize. "New ones," he tells the guys, and Tyler waves awkwardly.

"Hey," the one with the blond curls waves back. "I'm Patrick, and this is Johnny." He elbows the guy beside him in the ribs, who tries to turn his scowl into a smile -- it comes out more of a grimace, but Tyler appreciates the effort.

"Nice to meet you. I'm Tyler, and..." he turns around to see his Swedes had already been distracted by others. "My friends are somewhere over there."

"Oh, hey, Tyler, this is Jamie," Patrick says, pointing to the guy on his other side who'd been standing quietly watching the whole exchange. "He's the president of the club."

Jamie's adorable, for lack of a better word.

His eyes widen like a deer in the headlights. "Oh, uh, yeah, uhm," he sputters. "Hi," he chokes out finally, rubbing a hand at the back of his neck awkwardly, his other hand clenching at his thigh. 

Tyler knows awkward well; they're close friends. Tyler was the walking definition of awkward before he moved to Victoria and his life smoothed itself out. He likes to think he left it all behind, so he tries to ease Jamie off the awkward phase -- after all, he's the president, so he has to socialize.

"I'm new to Victoria so I was really happy to find out this school has a GSA, since my old one did but it hadn't been active for years."

"Oh, where did you come from?" Jamie asks.

"I'm originally from Ontario but I was studying in Boston for a while."

"Why did you move to Victoria?"

"I just wanted a change of scenery," Tyler says, and it sounds dumb, but it must've been the right thing to say because Jamie looks so excited, like someone told him his favourite band was going to play a show outside his house. 

"Oh man, well you picked a good place to do that. Are you into hiking or camping at all? I hope you are, because some of the best spots are around this area..."

"I love hiking. I've actually been trying to find information on where-"

"Mount Finlayson is a good place to start," Jamie spews off information, and Tyler just tries to soak it all in as he talks fast and emphatically. "I mean, it does rain a lot here, but the winters don't get cold and the summers don't get too hot. Oh, and autumn is beautiful -- we can go hiking this weekend if you want," Jamie spits out in one long breath, which leaves Tyler smirking from ear to ear. 

"Yeah, I'd love to go hiking," Tyler says.

"Come on, let's go!" Someone yells across the room at Jamie, who nods, and gives Tyler an apologetic smile.

"Catch you in a bit," he says, and by the time he walks across the room to the front, he looks like a completely different person, standing tall with his shoulders relaxed, a blinding smile on his face.

"Hey guys," Jamie claps his hands together to get the room's attention. "Welcome to the 2015 school year; this is the Gay Straight Alliance meeting. If you're not here for that, you're in the wrong place! I'm your president for the year, Jamie Benn, and this is the vice president, Jonathan Toews. We want to start out by saying welcome to all of the new students or first time attendees, and we hope to see you again after tonight.

"So getting down to business right away, we'll be in this room every Thursday at the same time for the rest of the semester, so get familiar. You're not required to be here every week, or any week, to remain part of the club and attend the events, but at this time, this room will always be here for you. I know it's the beginning of the year so I want to keep this short. Today I was hoping to brainstorm a list of ideas of things you guys would like to see happen in the next year -- are you okay with that?" Everyone nods, so Johnny takes over as Jamie grabs a marker for the white board.

"Alright guys, let's throw some ideas out here. Last year we had quite a few movie nights, and pick-up games of hockey, soccer and basketball when the weather was good, so I'm going to add 'movie nights' and 'organized sports' to the list right away."

"Let's have a dodge ball tourney," someone calls out, so Johnny adds it to the board. Ideas are tossed around: theme parties, mixers, book club, pub night, quiz night, and music bingo amongst others. 

"We're going to try to host at least two events a month," Jamie explains, looking over the growing list on the board. "I was wondering if there was anything you guys wanted to start out with, since we need to work on this month's first one right away."

"Let's start with a picnic!" Someone calls out, and they get a few enthusiastic responses, so Jamie takes a marker and circles 'picnic' on the board.

"Pub night sounds nice," Patrick suggests, and with no objections, Jamie circles that one as well.

"Alright, so it's looking like September is going to be a picnic and a pub night -- these will probably both happen later in the month. I've left a signup sheet by the door where you can leave your name and email if I don't already have it, and I will send out the information as it becomes available. The pub night will probably be at Slapshot, since we have quite a few hockey fans in the mix including Johnny and myself -- if anyone has any objections, feel free to take it up with either of us.

"So, drawing this meeting to a close, I just want to say Johnny and I are available for contact at any time if you ever need anything, even if it's just someone to talk to. If you leave us an email we will send out a welcome email with a list of useful resources for LGBT people within our community, which will be handy for those of you who are new to town." Jamie looks to Tyler as he says this, who blushes and looks away -- he catches Gabe's eye, who raises an eyebrow at him. Tyler shakes his head a bit, and turns his attention back to the front of the room where Johnny is talking.

"We have this room booked until 9 o'clock tonight, so feel free to linger. Thanks for your time, everyone." Johnny heads back to the room where Patrick is sitting on a desk casually chatting with Val as Tyler makes his way over to Gabe, Eddie, and Elias.

He's intercepted by Jamie though, who's looking bright and cheerful. "Hey, sorry I had to cut our conversation short."

"No, you have a job to do, I get it," Tyler feels like he's smiled harder in the past hour than he has in months. Jamie's cheeks are flushed, probably from having spent nearly an hour speaking to a group. His hair hangs long around his face, and when he grips his forearm, Tyler can see the muscles flex under his t-shirt. "I'm really interested in this hike you want to go on," he tries to pick up their conversation from where they left off.

"Oh, yeah, I meant to grab your number before you left," Jamie says, pulling his phone from his pocket. "There are a few awesome spots around town I need to show you."

"Of course," Tyler says, grabbing his phone as well and trading with Jamie so they could plug their numbers in. "I'd love to go for a hike this weekend," he says, in case Jamie forgot about his initial invitation.

"Yeah, it's supposed to be the last proper weekend of summer," Jamie says, handing Tyler his phone back. I can pick you up, if you like, and we'll drive out to the mountain."

"That sounds amazing," Tyler says.

"Yeah," Jamie mumbles, biting his bottom lip. "I should, uh, I should go talk to Val but I'll text you sometime soon, yeah?"

"Yeah, please," Tyler says quickly. "I'd like to hear from you."

"Making friends with the president?" Elias teases him on the bus ride home, watching Tyler turn cherry tomato red and hide his face in his arms. Eddie laughs and claps him on the back before saying something to Elias in Swedish. When the two of them are lost in their own conversation, Tyler turns back over to Gabe.

"Everything went okay?" He asks. Gabe hesitates for a second, but then nods.

"Yeah, it was good. I'm glad I came," he says. "You looked like you were having a good time too."

"I was," Tyler confirms, and as they walk into their building, Gabe bumps his shoulder lightly. 

"Want to come over?"

"Why not," Tyler says as he watches Eddie and Elias disappear into his apartment. 

"I just thought I'd tell you what happened," Gabe says, wringing his hands together nervously. "Can I, uh, do you need a drink?"

"I'm fine, now stop pacing," Tyler tells him, dropping down onto the couch. The blanket fort had been dismantled but the couch is still layered in soft sheets, and it's easy for Tyler to settle against the pile of pillows. Gabe joins him after a second.

"You're a good guy," Gabe tells him suddenly. "I mean, you have good intentions, you're super outgoing, and you make friends no matter where you go. I'm pretty jealous."

"Hey, don't say it like that doesn't describe you either," Tyler says, but Gabe shakes his head.

"That's not me. I'm trying, you know? Like, this is my new beginning, and no one knows me here -- I didn't know Eddie or Elias until I moved here, so it's been easy. I haven't always been like this."

"Me neither," Tyler admits, but doesn't continue, waiting for Gabe to get to his story.

"I went to high school in Toronto," Gabe says. "I wasn't the most popular kid- I was awkward, gay, I hadn't grown into my body, and I didn't really know anything other than hockey and chemistry. I got made fun of a lot, and since I couldn't afford the hockey team, I didn't really have any friends either.

"I joined the GSA at my high school because I thought I'd finally find someone who wanted to talk to me for something that wasn't answers on yesterday's homework, you know?"

"Yeah," Tyler thinks about his time in Boston; he thinks about giving 110% into everything he did, spending entire days, weeks, even months living under a mask and a false smile to impress everyone who didn't deserve his time. "I get it." It all turned out to be for nothing in the end.

"It was the first GSA I'd ever heard of -- I'd read about them in the news and stuff of course, but when I was living in Sweden, there wasn't anything like that in school. It was a bit of a taboo topic amongst kids, I think. Anyway, I joined the GSA, and I thought I had a friend or two for once.

"We did things; we played soccer, went to movies, whatever, right? And then one day, they corner me and handcuff me -- they say I have to do what I'm told and that it's my initiation into the club. I mean, I thought this shit only happened on sports teams."

"It does, usually," Tyler's not sure if his shock and horror is written clear as day on his face, but it probably is. He's never been too good at hiding his emotions, despite all the practice from the past year.

"They tried to make me suck off this guy and when I wouldn't do it, they locked me in a closet and left me there. The janitor found me, like, seven hours later." Gabe's shaking a bit, so Tyler reaches out and pulls him close. "They told me I was so ugly that I had to fuck guys because I couldn't get girls."

"That won't happen here," he assures Gabe firmly.

"How do you know?" Gabe laughs, self-deprecatingly. "Maybe I just attract those kinds of assholes." No, Tyler thinks, he's the one who does.

"I won't let it -- we won't let it happen," he says, and when Gabe clings to him tightly for a brief moment, Tyler doesn't let go.

xvx

"It's been too easy," Tyler tells Brownie via Skype. "I keep waiting for the sky to fall down. This city can't be perfect -- nowhere is perfect."

"It's not perfect though," Brownie says, confused. "I mean, it's expensive, and wet, and it's got shitty hockey and noise bylaws. You've got to take a ferry to the nearest big city that costs like $70 one way, the summers aren't hot enough to be a real summer, and the winters aren't cold enough to snow more than a few inches-"

"Okay, okay, I get it, it's not perfect," Tyler lets out a heavy sigh. "I mean, I have some really good friends here. They're not you, but they're still awesome. There are some sweet food places that I don't know how I lived without, and I'm surrounded by total babes. Hell, even the president of the GSA is a fucking gorgeous human."

"Whoa, you joined a GSA?" Brownie looks genuinely surprised, as Tyler frowns. 

"I didn't tell you?"

"Dude, we haven't talked in like, two weeks," Brownie says. "You don't tell me anything anymore."

"Sorry. Well I joined a GSA since I got lost trying to find my friend and accidentally stumbled into their booth. Their president's name is Jamie; he's adorable, in that weird way I can't really explain-"

"You've always liked that type," Brownie gives him a weird look, interrupting him halfway. "You gonna be okay there, bud? This isn't going to turn into Brad all over again, isn't it?"

"I don't think it can," Tyler snorts. "Jamie's president of the fucking GSA. It's not like he's going to defend himself by saying he's straight."

"You don't know if he's actually gay though," Brownie reminds Tyler not to jump to conclusions. "Just because he's active in the GSA it doesn't mean he falls under the spectrum. He might just be supportive."

"Right, well," Tyler rolls his eyes, "He wants to go on a hike with me this weekend." Brownie's eyebrows shoot up into his hairline.

"I just think you should make sure he's not just being nice, Ty. I don't want to be a dick but, well, you finally have something good going for you and I'd hate to see you fuck it up."

"Me too," Tyler sighs. "Me too."

xvx

Tyler gets a text from Jamie during his management class. The lectures are boring anyway so he doesn't feel guilty pulling out his phone. 

'hey, sup?' The message isn't anything special, but it still makes Tyler smile to himself.

'not much, in my management class. this Lindy guy is a really boring teacher.'

'pay attention!' Tyler laughs to himself, and does turn his attention back to the front of the room. It was a thoughtless exchange, but Tyler leaves school that day floating on air. He's finished all his courses by noon, so he heads to the Devil's Lodge to meet his friends.

"You're awfully smiley today," Marty says as Tyler slides into the booth next to Eddie. Gabe and Elias are arguing over something on the menu in Swedish across from them. "What can I get for your drink?"

"May I have a chocolate milkshake?"

"Coming right up," Marty jots it down on his order pad. "I'll be back in a minute for your food boys."

"How were your classes?" Tyler asks as he unfolds and refolds a napkin for something to do with his hands.

"Good," Eddie says, sipping his water. "I actually got a 98 on my first Finance quiz today, so I'm really happy about that."

"Dude, congrats," Tyler grins as Marty comes back with his milkshake. "Guys, can we toast Eddie's awesome grades?"

"To Eddie not failing Finance!" Elias says, and the four of them clink their glasses together. 

"Know what food you want yet?" Marty asks, looking on with a bemused expression.

"Yeah, I'm getting the Canucklehead Burger," Eddie grins. "Fries for the side with gravy, please."

"I'll have the Avalanche Sundae," Gabe grins.

"No meal?"

"Nah, I ate already, but I always have room for dessert." Everyone laughs.

"May I have the Hurricane Sandwich with a side salad please?" Elias asks politely, and Marty nods, writing as he goes.

Tyler's eyes are settled on the Bruin Burger, his usual, but he wants a change, so this time he says, "I'll take the Starsandwich with onion rings please."

"Coming right up," Marty disappears into the kitchen.

"Changing it up?" Gabe asks, and Tyler nods.

"I'm changing a lot of things," he explains casually, "So I figured I'd change my order as well."

"It's a good burger," Elias says, because it's been a couple weeks but he's already tried half the menu. As the conversation turns back to their classes, Tyler sits back and watches his friends interact, and how they devolve into angry Swedish sputtering when they get indignant.

His phone buzzes against his thigh, and since the others are busy, he can't help but look. It's Jamie, which makes Tyler start smiling all over again.

'still down for that hike Saturday?'

'yeah, I'm stoked,' he replies.

He kind of loves his life.

xvx

Tyler spends Friday night at Ryan's apartment, pacing back and forth and freaking out. Ryan's in his Communications course, and they're meant to be working on an informative presentation of sorts, but Tyler can't get his head around life, and it's not due for a couple weeks, so they've given up.

"Jesus, fuck. Sit down, Tyler," Ryan sighs.

"Nugget," Tyler whines, and Ryan rolls his eyes, grabbing Tyler by the shoulders and forcing him to the couch. "Do you need to run it off? Should I take you for a walk?"

"Sorry."

"No, I'm sorry," Ryan sighs. "I know you'd rather be out drinking-"

"No," Tyler interrupts. "This is good, okay? Even if we're not doing homework, I'd rather hang out and play NHL 14 than be at the pubs every weekend, okay?" The words sound foreign coming out of his mouth when in the past year he's spent all his free time at the pubs, and bars, and clubs. He can't lie now though -- it's better this way.

Tyler likes spending his Friday with Ryan, because Ryan doesn't drink. He doesn't flaunt it -- he doesn't give a title to it, though his friends say he's "straight-edge" and laugh when he talks about hardcore punk. Tyler gets it though -- he gets why Ryan would want that. He admires it, really.

"What are you planning for the weekend?" Ryan asks.

"I'm going hiking with Jamie tomorrow," Tyler says. He can't hide the excitement from his voice, and Ryan smirks.

"You know it's supposed to rain tomorrow, right? Apparently some freak weather system we weren't expecting is headed our way." Tyler sighs.

"I thought it was supposed to be sunny."

"We'll see. I was watching the news. Hey, it could be wrong," Ryan says.

Ryan's not wrong.

"I can't pick you up," Jamie says when he calls Tyler on Saturday morning. He sounds downright miserable, and to top it off, the supposed last weekend of summer turns out to be grey and wet, like almost every other day in Victoria. "My brother needs the car, and well, the weather doesn't look good for hiking anyway."

"Maybe we could hang out and watch a movie instead," Tyler suggests, because he's determined not to let a bit of rain ruin his day with Jamie. He holds his breath and waits.

"Yeah, actually, that sounds really nice. I wouldn't do it at my house though. My brother had a party the other night and we haven't replaced the window yet." Tyler stifles a laugh.

"Yeah, yeah, alright. I'll text you my address; the number 4 bus runs right past my apartment. Come over whenever."

When he hangs up, he immediately regrets saying "whenever" because he scrambles to change his outfit four times before he settles for jeans that Brownie always complimented him for and a Bruins t-shirt that he stole from Brad years ago. He kind of hates everything the shirt represents, but he can't let it go -- it's worn soft, faded grey, and sometimes when Tyler closes his eyes, he imagines it smells sweat, and Boston College, and Brad.

He hasn't worn it since he's been in Victoria, but it feels like a safety net that holds up upright as he buzzes Jamie up, and leaves the door ajar much like Eddie did for him on his first night.

Eddie's nowhere to be seen, either at Elias and Gabe's, or out with other friends. Tyler's thankful; he doesn't think he can deal with Eddie teasing him right now.

"Hello?" Jamie calls, and Tyler goes to greet him in the narrow entryway, smiling as Jamie toes off his shoes politely and follows Tyler into the living area.

"Sorry it's a bit of a mess," Tyler says, gesturing to the mess of blankets half on the couch and half on the floor. My roommate had his friends over last night."

"It's still much cleaner than my place is right now," Jamie makes a face. "Jordie, my brother, he needs to clean more often. Either that, or I should move out."

"What's stopping you?" Tyler asks as he opens Netflix and tosses the controller to Jamie to pick a movie.

"Well, Jordie pays most of the rent. It's the only way I can afford to live in a house and go to school at the same time -- he's got a real career and shit, wears a suit and everything. I just mooch off him most days, or else I'd have to move back in with my parents, and no one wants to do that after they turn 24."

"You're lucky you've got a brother," Tyler says quietly as the title credits for the Avengers roll across the TV. "Oh, I love this movie."

"Yeah. Jordie's an ass, but he's great, you know?" Tyler doesn't know. He has two younger sisters -- one who's going through the phase of 'ew, you're gay, I can't believe I'm related to you' and the other one is all 'you moved to America and abandoned us' so he hasn't heard from the much lately.

"I can imagine," Tyler says. 

He makes a massive bowl of popcorn for the movie -- he doesn't mean to tumble off the couch and knock the whole thing to the floor either, but it makes Jamie laugh and that feels like an accomplishment. 

Tyler doesn't mean to fall asleep during the movie either; conversation moves easily between them, but once they settle down, Tyler's late night at Nugget's catches up to him and he wakes up with his head pillowed on Jamie's shoulder.

"Sorry," he says groggily, stretching. The credits are starting to scroll across the TV, so he grabs the remote and shuts it off. Jamie blushes, looking away, and mumbles something under his breath. "What was that?" Tyler asks, pulling his knees to his chest and leaning against Jamie again -- he's big, bigger than Tyler in all the right ways, warm, and solid against his side. Tyler never wants to move.

"It's okay," Jamie says, louder this time. "It was cute," he blurts, then bites his lip like he hadn't meant to say it.

Tyler feels like his tongue has wound its way into a knot; he doesn't know how to respond. No one's ever called him cute before. "Did you want to make dinner?" He asks quickly, averting his eyes and changing the topic. He can practically see Jamie curl into himself.

"No, I, uh, I shouldn't impose. I mean, I should get home, and uh, clean..."

"Jamie," Tyler turns to look at him. He can feel his face heating up, but he doesn't turn away. "I want to have dinner with you, if you're not too busy." The faintest hint of a smile comes across Jamie's face and Tyler mentally fist pumps. It's a small victory.

Dinner isn't special. Dinner is cold sandwiches and flat root beer, plates balanced in their laps as they yell at the TV while the Stars battle out the Blue Jackets during a preseason game. Neither of them is particularly invested in either team playing, but they're mostly rooting for the Stars.

"I miss playing so much," Tyler laughs. "I can't even afford a pair of skates right now though."

"What size are you? I probably have a spare pair somewhere that'll mostly fit if you want to head to the rec center and skate sometime."

"Really? That'd be nice; I'd like that," Tyler smiles at Jamie, who smiles dopily right back. 

"Want to watch another movie?" 

"Sure," Tyler agrees, and this time he picks How to Train Your Dragon because it's adorable, just like Jamie. Tyler feels his heart drop into the pit of his stomach, because this feels like the beginning with Brad all over again. He tries to inch away from Jamie and leave a bit of space between them, but when Jamie loops a lazy arm casually over Tyler's shoulder, he just sinks against the warm body next to him, and accepts defeat.

When Eddie gets home, he finds the two of them cuddling on the couch. The movie's nearly over, and Tyler's not really sure how his legs ended up across Jamie's lap and his arm looped around Jamie's neck, or when Jamie's hand pressed hot and heavy against the small of his back. They're tangled together so tightly that when Jamie jolts, it doesn't dislodge Tyler but instead smashes their heads together. 

Tyler pulls away grimly, rubbing his head as Eddie laughs at them. "You guys have a good night," he says before disappearing into his bedroom. Jamie groans.

"I guess I should head home," he murmurs softly, standing up and cracking his back as he moves. "Thanks for the movie and dinner though. I owe you a hike, yeah?"

"Yeah," Tyler bites his tongue, because if he opens his mouth again, he's going to ask Jamie to stay, and that's probably a bad decision since he met him two days ago. Tyler should know by now not to jump into things too fast. Tyler should know by now that he shouldn't fall too hard. Tyler should know better than to repeat his same mistakes from Boston.

Tyler's happy to show Jamie to the door with a tight hug goodnight, and crawl into his bed alone.

xvx

"I heard you had a hot date last night," Andrew says when Tyler walks into Fer the next morning. "I thought it was odd you didn't come in yesterday."

"Oh, it was Saturday, wasn't it?" Tyler laughs. "I ended up staying later than I intended at Nugget's, and slept in. Sorry."

"No, don't apologize," Andrew rolls his eyes as he grabs coffee for both of them. "Now tell me about your date."

"It wasn't a date," Tyler says, indignant. 

"Are you sure?" Andrew asks, his eyes clearly judging Tyler as he sips his coffee. "It sounded an awful lot like a date to me."

"It wasn't anything. We just watched movies and cuddled on the couch," Tyler spits out in one breath before shoving his face with eggs so he doesn't talk anymore. Andrew sighs.

"I thought you went for a hike?"

"It rained."

"You can hike in the rain if you're outdoorsy... Or desperate."

"Oh shut up," Tyler grunts, dropping his fork on the empty plate. "I like him, yeah, but I don't even know if he's interested. Well, I mean, I think he is, but I don't know for sure."

"Why don't you ask him out? You won't know until you try."

"He's got a lot of friends, like, everywhere. He's the fucking president of the GSA! I'm just a freshman piece of shit. I can't just walk up to him and be like 'Hey, wanna go on a date?'"

"Wait, it's Jamie?"

"Wait, shit, you know him," Tyler sighs, burying his face in his hands. "What is my life?"

"Victoria's a small town," Andrew says. He pauses, as if debating his words carefully before he says, "Jamie's a good guy, Tyler, but he's not exactly a social butterfly. He plays the lead roles well, and he knows a lot of people, but he hasn't really got a lot of close friends."

"I don't either," Tyler defends himself, because these days, he pretty much only talks to Andrew, Ryan, the Swedes, and Brownie.

"I know," Andrew reaches out to pat his arm. "I'm just saying you should take care of him, Tyler, and he'll take care of you too. Right now, I'm not sure which one of you needs it more."

"I don't need taking care of," Tyler argues, frowning. "I'm doing fine, Andrew."

"You're waiting for it to end though," Andrew says, and Tyler thinks back to how he'd told Brownie that everything in Victoria seemed perfect -- too perfect.

"It never lasts," he mutters. 

"Maybe you should find out why," Andrew says, getting up to grab his apron again. "I'll see you later."

Tyler drops his head onto his arms when Andrew clears the plate from the table. He knows it won't last.

xvx

He doesn't see Jamie again until Thursday at the next GSA meeting -- they discuss the upcoming picnic, triple check weather forecasts, and spent the rest of their three hour time slot mingling. 

Tyler talks to Val for a long time about the pros and cons of social media -- Tyler hates it after how his name was usually followed by a derogatory remark on Twitter in the past year. Val loves it because he can keep in touch with his friends around the world. Tyler's a bit jealous that Val has friends across six continents to keep in touch with.

He meets a kid named Nathan who's rather taken with Gabe, a quartet of tall, fair-haired brothers who have befriended Elias and Jeff, and a stoic Finn named Tuukka who's talking to Eddie about goaltending.

He's still talking to Eddie and Tuukka when Jamie breaks off from his conversation with Patrick and comes up behind him. "Hey," he says softly, trying not to interrupt the conversation.

"Hey." Tyler turns to him because he hasn't got much to contribute anyway, since he's never been a goalie. "How's your week been?"

"Busy," Jamie chuckles. "My brother cleaned up, and then had another party the day later. It's getting kind of ridiculous -- I can't study at home anymore."

"Well if you ever need anywhere to go, my place is usually quiet. We stay in a lot, but none of us use the table. I think the Swedes have conditioned me to sitting in a pile of blankets on the floor whenever possible."

"It's not a bad way to live," Jamie observes. Tyler shrugs his shoulders. "I may take you up on that though, since I have a few projects coming up."

"Yeah, just text me whenever," Tyler says. When they go their separate ways that night, Tyler clings a bit to Jamie, and asks him quietly, "Did you want to get breakfast before class tomorrow?"

"Yeah," Jamie says, and when he doesn't let go for a moment, Tyler relaxes in his arms and just breathes in his scent best he can. 

They meet up at Fer the next morning; Andrew smirks at them throughout all of breakfast. "Andrew, don't be a dick," Jamie crows, and Andrew comes over to smack him upside the head. 

"Don't hit your customers," Tyler laughs.

"I own this place, and the right to Jamie's balls. I can do what I want."

"Hey!" Jamie cries as Andrew tugs on his hair.

"You own his balls?" Tyler chokes on his coffee. "What now?"

"He lost a bet. He should know better than to bet on the fucking Canucks," Andrew laughs, letting go of Jamie's hair -- Jamie frantically reaches up like he wants to make sure it's still attached to his head. Frankly, it's one of the more adorable things Tyler's seen, and well, Tyler lives with Eddie -- he knows adorable. "You guys are too cute," he laughs, whisking their empty plates away from under their noses and disappearing again.

"He's crazy," Jamie says once he stops hiding his face in his hands from utter embarrassment.

"Yeah, but that's why we love him, right?" Tyler says, trying to regain his breath.

"Yeah," Jamie grins, and downs the rest of his coffee. "C'mon, let's go to school."

xvx

The first GSA event is the coming Saturday, a public picnic in the large park on the outskirts of town. It's walking distance from the beach, and it's an absolutely gorgeous day, so after breakfast at Fer, Tyler and Gabe head to the beach. 

Tyler loves the feeling of sand between his toes. He tosses his shoes by the log, wades ankle deep into the cold waves of the Pacific, and stands there, watching the waves roll into the shore. "Why did you move here?" Gabe asks as they seat themselves on rocks overlooking the water. "You never talk about yourself, Ty."

Tyler's hand closes around a rock, and he throws it as far as he can, watching the ripples dance before the waves wash them away. "I wanted, no, I needed to leave Boston," Tyler says finally. "I couldn't stay. I got expelled." Gabe nods and waits patiently; he throws a few rocks into the water too. Tyler takes a deep breath. "I got expelled for bringing a gun to school." 

"Why did you do that?" Gabe doesn't sound horrified; he doesn't look at Tyler like he's a monster. He just looks curious.

Tyler chews the inside of his lip -- he doesn't want to talk. He's said too much. Gabe knows now. Someone knows, and he can't have this brand new, beautiful, perfect life-

"Whoa, Tyler," Gabe reaches over, and squeezes his shoulder lightly. "Breathe, dude." Tyler breathes. He thinks about Gabe, curled up on his couch looking so lost and lonely talking about his high school experiences. He chokes down his pride.

"I was going to kill myself," Tyler says. It comes out sounding empty and hollow -- it lacks the aggressive bite he would've had not even a year earlier. He's not used to his voice like that. "I was going to kill myself in class, in front of him -- my ex-boyfriend -- to say, 'Look, this is what you did to me,' and I just... I almost did it, but I couldn't, because I'm so fucking pathetic I don't even have the guts to-" 

"Holy fuck, Tyler," and Gabe cuts him off as he tackles Tyler into one of the most aggressive hugs he's ever had in his life. 

"I just... I don't... I couldn't..." Tyler can't breathe. He's not crying, but he's nearly hyperventilating, just trying to count heartbeats between every time his fingers twitch, trying to find something to hold.

Gabe smells really good. Tyler thinks it's dumb, because Gabe is stupidly attractive as it is, and on top of that, he has to smell amazing. Tyler tries to focus on that -- everything that had been swimming in front of his eyes slowly falls back into focus. "Why can't I fall in love with you?" Tyler asks suddenly, and Gabe barks out a laugh that gets drowned out in the afternoon sun.

"It would make life so much easier, wouldn't it?" Gabe lets Tyler slump against him for a long time. Neither of them says much until they pick it up and head toward the park where they're supposed to meet for the picnic. As they reach the trees, Gabe stops and turns to Tyler. "I won't tell anyone," he says softly. "You're a good friend, you know? You're probably my best friend." Gabe gives him a weak smile, and Tyler gives him one in return.

"Yeah," he says softly. "You told me your story. I guess you get mine. It's only fair. There's, uh, there's more to it though."

"There's more to everything," Gabe says. "Another day," he adds as he pushes Tyler toward the clearing. "Let's picnic."

Eddie and Elias are already camped out on a checkered blanket with sandwiches in front of them when Gabe and Tyler approach the group. "You're late," Val scolds, but he says it with a smile so they know he's not serious. 

"Hey, about time," Jamie grins, coming up to greet them. "How was your morning?" Tyler accidentally meets Gabe's eye, and quickly turns away.

"It was, uh, it was good. Gabe and I went for a walk on the beach."

"Oh," Jamie says as his smile slowly fades. "That sounds nice. I'm going to see if Johnny needs any help." He bolts.

"Man, what'd you do?" Eddie asks, raising an eyebrow. "He ran out of here fast."

Tyler stares at Jamie's back across the field, and frowns. "I don't know."

"That's fine," Eddie rolls his eyes. "We don't need Mr. President anyway." He turns to Tyler and grins, food in one hand, Frisbee in his other. "Turkey sandwich, Ty?"

xvx

"He just ran off," Tyler says, frustrated as he explains the situation from the picnic to Brownie over Skype. Eddie's lying on Tyler's bed, tossing a tennis ball at the ceiling. Tyler's thankful they live on the top floor. "I mean, I thought he liked me, and then he goes and does that."

"You spent all morning at the beach with Gabe," Eddie volunteers from the bed. The tennis ball thunks heavily against the ceiling -- thump, thump, thump -- "Ow!" Brownie starts howling as Tyler turns around, incredulous, seeing Eddie rubbing his head.

"Man, Eddie, you're great," Brownie laughs from Tyler's laptop -- Tyler wants to slam the lid shut, but holds back. "But seriously," he sighs, exasperated. "Tyler, you spent all morning with Gabe, your insanely attractive Swedish neighbor, at the beach. He's jealous, doofus."

"But, he's not... We're not, ugh," Tyler groans. "I’m going to text him."

"You do that," Eddie says, getting off his bed. "I'm going to bug Elias."

"Right," Tyler mumbles absentmindedly, forgetting all about Brownie as he pulls out his phone and types out a quick text to Jamie.

'breakfast tmrw?'

He gets a response ten seconds later.

'sure.'

Tyler most definitely doesn't smack himself in the face by accident in his excitement.

"Do you guys ever go anywhere else?" Jordan asks as he drops their food in front of them. 

"Why would we?" Jamie asks, confused.

"I mean, really, the service is terrible, and the food tastes like garbage-"

"Hey," Andrew says, poking Jordan in the side. "Get back to work. What did you say about my food?"

"Nothing, nothing at all," Jamie laughs. Andrew pulls up a chair, because he's an asshole and doesn't want to leave them alone. "What's new?" Jamie asks him.

"Not much. I think I'm going to Quebec for Thanksgiving this year though, so you guys are going to have to find somewhere else to eat for the weekend."

"Thanksgiving's forever away. We'll figure it out," Tyler grins. 

"Just thought I'd give you some advanced notice," Andrew flashes them a smile. "How's the college life?"

"Boring," Tyler laughs as Jamie pulls a face. "I've got two projects and a research paper to write and I'm eating breakfast with Tyler instead. Why am I doing that?"

"You like his face?" Andrew suggests, and though he's joking, Tyler can't help but blush. Jamie turns to scrutinize him.

"I guess it's not bad," he says with a crooked smile. 

"It could be worse," Andrew agrees, patting Tyler on the cheek before getting up again. "It could be yours," he adds to Jamie, who sticks his middle finger out in retaliation.

"Don't listen to him. Your face isn't bad," Tyler says before he can stop himself. Jamie frowns at his coffee though, and Tyler frowns at him in return. "Dude, I'm serious," he sighs, because it's true -- he's not going to take it back just because he didn't mean to say it.

"Yeah, but I don't have blonde hair, or blue eyes, and I'm not Swedish. I'm not a successful business owner, or a student in your program."

"What's your point?" Tyler rolls his eyes. "I call my best friend Brownie and he wears moose-print pajamas, studies in New York and eats pickles from the jar. I don't think I'm allowed to judge you."

"I'm not Swedish," Jamie says again, but he looks up this time. His eyes are fierce and focused on Tyler, like he's trying to look right through him. Tyler doesn't know what his face is doing right now -- he's not sure he wants to know.

"Christ, Benn, I hope you're not," Tyler sighs. "I don't know why you're so hung up on the Swedish thing."

"Swedes are unfairly attractive," Jamie's laugh is self-deprecating, like all the words that he isn't saying.

"So?"

"You know a lot of them."

"And?" Tyler goads, trying to get Jamie to say what he's thinking.

"Gabe, he's real pretty."

"Yeah, he is," Tyler agrees. "Too bad he's not interested in me."

"He's not?" Jamie asks, startled.

"He's about as interested in me as I am in him -- or as I am in eating a can of sardines in my cereal."

"Oh."

"He's one of my best friends, Jamie," Tyler says softly. 

"Oh," Jamie repeats.

"Yeah," Tyler says, and Jamie stays awfully silent for the rest of the meal. Tyler fills it with mindless chatter about the latest blockbusters and this new band Ryan's been trying to get him into, and doesn't mention his face, or Jamie's face again.

xvx

'coming to pub night?' 

Tyler looks at the text and grins, typing out a quick 'yes' in response. 

He then agrees to meet Jamie at the Devil's Lodge for dinner before headed to the sports bar next door, Slapshot, for the GSA mixer. Tyler hasn't been to a mixer since Boston, and he's not really that excited, but he knows that since joining the GSA he has some sort of social obligation to fulfill. Also, he gets to see Jamie more.

It's the first night of Autumn; the leaves are already turning on the trees, coating the road in reds, yellows, and oranges as he walks to the Devil's Lodge with his hands jammed in his pockets, whistling some tune from that damn song Ryan got stuck in his head.

"Hey, thanks for coming," Jamie grins. "I was going to have dinner with Val but he bailed because his roommate, Nail had some sort of emotional crisis involving a girl back in Russia."

"That's unfortunate," Tyler laughs. "I'm glad you asked me to come though. My friends are all out somewhere, probably at the mall, and I can't get a hold of them."

"I'm sure they'll turn up later," Jamie laughs. "So, what's new? I haven't seen you in, like, a week."

"I know, right? What's up with that," Tyler grins. "Nothing at all. School, and Swedes, and life, rinse and repeat. Oh, and I pretty much live at Fer in the mornings. I think Andrew might be going bankrupt with all the free food he gives me."

"Andrew loves you," Jamie laughs. "I only wish he loved me as much as he loves you."

"You're lucky," Tyler snorts. "Andrew loves me a little too much sometimes. Anyway, I was thinking about what he said about Thanksgiving -- I don't have any family here, and I can't exactly afford flying home for the weekend, so did you want to do something if your family isn't busy?"

"My parents usually go away at Thanksgiving, so it'll be just me and Jordie. You're always welcome to join us for dinner."

"That sounds nice," Tyler says, and when he leans forward and hooks his ankle around Jamie's, Jamie just lets it happen, leaning back in the booth and smiling his dopey smile.

The mixer goes well. Tyler spends most of it talking to Nathan, who's young, fresh-faced and eagar to learn. "I want to see the world," he tells Tyler as they move against each other on the dance floor. "I want to get lost in every country, and make friends in every city."

"You should talk to Val," Tyler says. "He sounds like he's got a lot of friends."

"Can I buy you a drink?" Nathan asks, looking at Tyler's empty hands. Tyler shrugs.

"I trying not to drink-"

"I'll buy you a coke, now come on," Nathan says, dragging him toward the bar.

"Nathan..."

"It's Nate, or Mac, please," he stresses, laughing. "No one calls me Nathan."

"Right, well, Nate. What's up?"

"Nothing," he says, pushing the cold glass into Tyler's hand. "Gabe just raves about you, like, all the time. I just want to know what the big deal is. Also, is he single?”

"No deal," Tyler shrugs. "Just me. Why don’t you ask him that yourself?" Nate laughs drunkenly, claps him on the shoulder, then leaves Tyler at the booth alone when he walks toward the toilets. Tyler makes his escape.

"Your friend is weird," he tells Gabe, sliding up behind his friend. "Nice though; he bought me a coke. Is he even old enough to drink?"

"Yeah, I don't even know. He's a good kid though," Gabe shrugs. "I was going to head out in a minute, if you want to head back with me."

"Yeah, that'd be good," Tyler agrees quickly.

It's not too cold out, but the buses have stopped so they take the hour long walk back to the apartment in stride. They're quiet for a while; Gabe looks a lot smaller under the streetlights as he kicks leaves and rocks from the sidewalk. "Did it get better?" Gabe asks suddenly.

"What?"

"Did it get better, when you moved here?"

Tyler thinks about it for a moment. "Yeah, it did. It's absolutely perfect here. That's what scares me," he says.

"Me too," Gabe says, and they don't talk the rest of the way.

"Do you want to come in?" Tyler asks. He doesn't know why he said it, but he can't take it back when Gabe nods. Neither of them are particularly tired, so they put on a thoughtless action movie and curl up on the couch with a bag of chips.

"I like the GSA here," Gabe says quietly. "I mean, I like the people." He takes a deep breath. "I like Nate."

"He's cute," Tyler notes. "He asked me tonight if you were single, when we were dancing."

"What did you tell him?"

"I told him to ask you," Tyler smiles. Gabe smiles right back, and suddenly, perfect didn't seem so scary anymore.

**OCTOBER**

Jamie texts him in the beginning of October. 'midterms coming up. can i study there?'

'yes' Tyler responds right away, clears off his table, and pushes Eddie out the door (he was going out with Elias and Gabe anyway). He's doing the dishes when Jamie shows up, his textbooks and laptop in hand.

"Thanks for letting me invade your space," he says. "Jordie has, like, two million people over right now and I really need to study for this midterm. I'm kind of freaking out."

"I can get out of your way too, if you want it to be quiet," Tyler offers. "I was just cleaning today -- no real plans, but I need to pick up groceries."

"No, I can't kick you out of your own house. I won't be exciting or anything but you should sit with me," Jamie says. Tyler nods, and grabs his backpack.

"I may as well get started on this worksheet anyway."

"That's the spirit," Jamie laughs, and when Tyler purposely hooks his ankle around Jamie's, neither of them mention it.

They make dinner together that night, moving fluidly around each other in Tyler's tiny kitchen. Tyler somehow manages to trip over his own feet, and naturally, Jamie catches him easily, his hands warm against Tyler's arms.

And Jamie's face is just right there, so Tyler leans in a bit, and Jamie does too, and oh -- well, huh. Jamie's lips are soft, softer than Tyler would've expected. He instinctively leans in, and then he realizes, oh, he's kissing Jamie. He's kissing Jamie, and he's probably terrible at this, because he hasn't kissed anyone since Brad told him to kill himself.

Tyler quickly shoves Jamie back -- he hits the stove; it's hot, and his hand knocks over the pot. Jamie jumps back farther as boiling soup goes spilling everywhere, and Tyler, Tyler doesn't know what to do, so he just runs into his room and locks the door.

From where he lies on his bed, he can hear movement in the kitchen. Tyler feels awful, because Jamie's the most amazing guy he's met who isn't Swedish, and he's actually interested in Tyler, despite everything -- despite his too-big mouth and too-loud laugh and awkward smile. Fuck. Jamie's probably cleaning up the soup.

He can't bring himself to leave the room, even as he hears the sink running, and then silence. The knock startles him -- he nearly topples from the edge of the bed where he's curled up with his knees to his chest. He doesn't answer it.

"I'm sorry, Tyler," Jamie says, and he sounds absolutely miserable, that Tyler knows he has to open the door, so he sits up, and crosses the room. But he doesn't. He can't. His hands are shaking, and he just kind of falls against it, his head making a hollow noise as it hits the wood. "I'm so sorry," Jamie apologizes again, and the guy didn't even do anything.

Tyler has to let him know that. He opens his mouth, but the words get caught in his throat. He thinks about sliding his fingers under the door, and then laughs at his own stupidity, because he should just open the fucking door.

"Jamie," Tyler manages to croak out. He doesn't recognize his own voice; it sounds foreign as it echoes around his bedroom.

"Can you let me in?" Jamie asks, voice soft and dejected.

"Yeah," Tyler says, and hauls himself to his feet. He collects his thoughts, and then yanks open the door. Jamie's still sitting in the hall, leaning against the doorframe. He's lucky the door opens inward, or he'd have been smacked in the head.

Tyler invites Jamie into his bedroom, and they sit side-by-side on the bed, not quite touching. "I'm really sorry," Jamie says again, and Tyler shakes his head angrily.

"No, God, don't be sorry. I should be sorry -- you didn't do anything. I'm just a huge fuck up," Tyler says. His hands clench against his thighs and he eventually wraps his fingers around the corner of his blanket. It's not a huge comfort, but it does feel a bit better. "I didn't want to push you away," he says, because he wants to make sure Jamie knows that.

"Then why did you do it?"

"I was scared," Tyler explains. He wants to shrink into himself and burrow into his shell, but he doesn't have a shell. It's just him -- all squishy flesh and brittle bone, waiting for Jamie to reach forward and break him. Tyler clutches the blanket tighter. "I haven't kissed anyone in a long time."

"Hey," Jamie says softly. He leans a bit closer, reaches out hesitantly, and when Tyler nods, he puts his arm around Tyler's shoulder so that Tyler can lean against his solid chest. "That's alright. We can take it slow, if you want."

"The last person I kissed told me to kill myself," Tyler says. "I almost did." 

"Shit." Tyler's really happy he can't see Jamie's face with the way his head is turned. "I'm sorry, Tyler."

"Stop apologizing," Tyler mumbles, and snuggles against Jamie. "It wasn't your fault. I'm an idiot."

Jamie reaches up and gently strokes Tyler's hair. "It sounds like you have a lot going on in there," he taps Tyler gently on the head. "Did you want to sleep it off?"

"Maybe it'll help me stop freaking out," Tyler admits.

Jamie leans down, like he's going to tuck Tyler in, but Tyler pulls him back in close, and lets Jamie drop a kiss on his forehead. "Can you stay?" Tyler asks him, and Jamie blushes. 

"I- Really?" He stammers.

"I like you, okay?" Tyler finally says it. It sounds like a foreign language. He's never felt so good saying those words before. He's never expected a positive response. "I'd like you to stay."

"I'll be here as long as you want me here," Jamie says, scooting over so he can sprawl out on Tyler's tiny bed; it's barely big enough for one, so with the two of them on there, it's a tight fit. Tyler likes the way his legs tangle together with Jamie's, and his head pillows on Jamie's chest. At least, he does, until Jamie's stomach growls loudly.

He's not sure if he or Jamie starts laughing first but soon they're in hysterics for no apparent reason, rolling around on the bed until they both fall off in a tangle of limbs. "Wanna order a pizza and see if we can eat it before Eddie gets home?" Tyler asks once he stops wheezing.

"Yeah," Jamie says, equally breathless. "Yeah, let's do that.

xvx

Waking up in someone's arms is something that has never happened to Tyler before. He's been with a lot of people -- Tyler was never the poster boy for innocence -- but he's never had anyone stay the night before, not even Brad, because Brad never wanted to see him the morning after.

Waking up to Jamie was weird. Tyler had wiggled downward sometime during the night, and his face is squashed against Jamie's shoulder, which is fine, because Jamie smells absolutely amazing. He smells better than freshly washed sheets, which is one of Tyler's favorite smells. Hell, he even smells better than Gabe. 

What isn't as fine as the location of Tyler's face is his boner digging into Jamie's hip -- yeah, he's going to have to do something about that. He pulls back slowly, disentangling his limbs from Jamie's and crawls from the bed, rushing to the bathroom before Jamie can wake up. Tyler's never jerked off faster in his life than he does that morning, breathing hard and still floating from Jamie's scent.

He brushes his teeth and showers quickly before heading back to his room, where Jamie's buried in his blanket, face first in the pillows. Tyler holds back a chuckle and crawls under the blanket, throwing himself half on top of Jamie's body because there's no room on the bed. He grunts, and Tyler giggles into his neck.

"Mornin'," Jamie yawns. He rolls over best he can without throwing Tyler from his back, stretching until his arms hit the wall behind him. 

"I'm really sorry about throwing a fit last night," Tyler says softly once Jamie retracts his limbs and curls up around Tyler again. "It was a really dumb thing to get worked up over. And thanks for cleaning up the kitchen."

"Tyler, mental health is never a dumb thing to get worked up about," Jamie scolds him. He pauses for a moment, and then adds, "Will it be too presumptuous of me to say if you were my boyfriend, I'd take care of you, no matter what?"

"If?" Tyler asks, looking up from the pillow.

"Tyler, will you be my boyfriend? I promise you, I'll do everything I can to make sure you never feel that way again."

"No," Tyler says firmly. Jamie pulls back, startled. 

"Oh, uh, sorry, uh, I thought-"

"Jamie, I won't be your boyfriend if you're not going to look out for yourself," Tyler says. "I'll agree, but only if you promise you'll do everything you can to make sure both of us never have to feel that way, and I will make sure of the same."

"I can do that," Jamie says. 

"Okay," Tyler smiles brightly. "You should take me out. On a date, I mean. I want to do this right."

"Okay," Jamie mimics, and it sounds dumb for a second, but feels inherently less so when they both lean in to each other, sealing the deal with a gentle, close-lipped kiss. 

"I'll take you out."

xvx

Dating Jamie isn't a big deal, or a big change, except that it is. Their first night out together is at a diner on the other side of town, because no matter how often Tyler goes to Fer and the Devil's Lodge, he does like to try new things and Victoria boasts a high number of eateries per capita. 

Tyler's hands shake against his thighs under the table -- "It's just Jamie, not dinner with the queen," Eddie had rolled his eyes as he watched Tyler rip through his closet, and then Eddie's closet earlier in the day. "I mean, Elias didn't freak out this much when he took out that girl who was super into hockey, and I think he's in love with her."

"Jamie's better than the queen," Tyler had paused his meltdown to snap at Eddie, who only flopped down onto the bed and laughed as Tyler hysterically asked him about his next outfit.

Now, Tyler's sitting across from Jamie in a corner booth; they've both ordered milkshakes and burgers, and Tyler can't stop drumming his fingers against his knees, his tongue glued to the roof of his mouth like he can't speak a word for his life. "You know," Jamie says, kicking Tyler lightly under the table, "Just because we're out in public this time it doesn't mean you have to stop talking." 

Tyler feels his cheeks flare up. "It's not that," he sputters. "I just don't know what to say. I've never done this before."

"You've never gone out for dinner?" Jamie asks, as the waitress brings out their food. "I hate to break it to you, kid, but what did you think we were doing at Fer and the Devil's Lodge?"

"No, I mean," Tyler bites his tongue, trying not to wave his arms around. "I mean, I've never been on a date before. I don't know what I'm supposed to do."

"You've never been on a date?" Jamie looks absolutely incredulous, his jaw dropped, burger paused halfway to his mouth. 

"Nope," Tyler pops the 'P' for exaggeration. "I've never been with anyone who liked that kind of thing."

"How can someone not like dates? They're like, the greatest thing ever," Jamie says, dropping his burger before it even reaches his mouth. "God, now I have to take you out like every fucking weekend. You're going to see how awesome dates can be -- I'll prove it."

"It's not that I doubt it," Tyler defends himself quickly. "I just, you know, I've never had a real one."

"Well," Jamie says, "Consider this your first official date, Tyler."

"Sure. I'll mark it in my calendar and write about it in my diary when I get home," Tyler rolls his eyes. 

"Only if I get to read about it later," Jamie gives an over-exaggerated wink before he reaches for his burger again. "Seriously though, dude, there's nothing better than making out at the back of the movie theatre, or holding hands while walking down the beach, or going for a drive up the mountain just to see the city lights."

"That stuff only happens in movies," Tyler says dumbly, because the only thing he's ever done in the back of a movie theatre is drink alcohol that shouldn't have been brought into said movie theatre. Brad never held his hand, and well, there weren't exactly an abundance of mountains with good views in Boston.

"Well," Jamie says around his burger, "You're about to act in the best movie of your life." It's just so ridiculously cheesy that Tyler has to throw a fry at Jamie, and if Jamie throws one back and it hits the guy in the booth behind him, well, that's not his fault.

The thing was, it didn't feel like a date, at least, it didn't feel like a date until Tyler was standing beside the car, as Jamie leans against the side door, and holds Tyler a the hips. "I'd like to take you out again," he says, and Tyler smiles wide.

"I don't have a curfew, you know," he says, looking up at the darkening sky. The rain is starting to fall, so Jamie nods, and herds Tyler back into the car. 

"Then let's go somewhere nice."

Tyler doesn't know what constitutes as 'somewhere nice' until he's sitting in the car on a mountain, watching the city lights flicker below them. "Oh," he says, because he's never seen the city from above before.

"I like it here," Jamie says softly. "It's nice and quiet most nights." 

"I like you," Tyler says dumbly, but he feels less stupid about it when Jamie smiles back, wide and relaxed, like there was nowhere else he'd rather be than sitting in this beat-up car he shares with Jordie, watching the city on a mountain top with Tyler.

Jamie walks him upstairs to his apartment, and even gives him a kiss goodnight at the door, one that's rudely interrupted when the door flies open and Gabe and Elias tumble out.

"You guys are assholes," Tyler grumbles.

"Hi Jamie. I hope you had a pleasant evening," Elias smiles, claps Jamie on the shoulder, and muscles past them to his own apartment. 

"You'd do the same for me," Gabe says, walloping Tyler playfully on his head before following Elias into the apartment. 

"Sorry about them," Tyler says through his gritted teeth, but Jamie just smiles some more, like there's nothing out there that could stop him from smiling, and God, Tyler, Tyler just loves that.

xvx

"I come bearing presents!" Eddie exclaims, leaping, literally leaping, into Tyler's bedroom."

"It's six am on a Friday," Tyler says to his pillow. "What the fuck do you have that can justify waking me up at six am on a fucking Friday?"

"Oh, you'll like this," Eddie says gleefully. When Tyler forces his eyes open for good, he sees an envelope in Eddie's hand.

"Fine, I'll bite. What's up?"

"I may have-"

"You definitely did. Whatever it is, you did."

"Fine, I did -- I did win four tickets to see the Canucks play the Bruins on Thanksgiving long weekend. Since none of us have family in town, I was thinking the four of us -- uh, you, me, Elias, and Gabe -- can spend the weekend in Vancouver? It's like a getaway thing, and we get hotel rooms and everything."

"I think I had plans," Tyler kicks off his blanket and tries to remember what he'd agreed to do for Thanksgiving -- dinner with Jamie, his brain supplies as his mind catches up to his body in alertness. "With Jamie."

Eddie rolls his eyes. "I just kind of assumed, since Fer will be closed and you didn't have plans with us."

"I have other friends," Tyler defends himself.

"Tyler is in New York, and Ryan is going back to Edmonton for Thanksgiving."

"How do you know this?"

"It's a small apartment. You guys are loud. Also, I do talk to Nugget once in a while. I have some friends in the Student Union with him."

"You know everyone," Tyler rolls his eyes. "Anyway, I can't back out on Jamie."

"But, hockey," Eddie reasons, eyes wide in amazement that someone would turn down free hockey tickets. "It covers the cost of travel and we might even meet the team."

"Ugh, fine," Tyler gives in. "I'll call Jamie at a more reasonable hour, okay?"

"Okay," Eddie grins, and bounces out the door. "I'm excited, Tyler," he calls behind him, as Tyler snuggles back into his blanket, rolling his eyes. He's awake, but he's not getting out of bed until he absolutely has to.

He gives up trying to relax around seven, and calls Jamie. "Hey, what's up?" Jamie sounds comfortable; he's probably lying in bed, blanket tucked under his armpits, sprawled out loose and relaxed. 

"Would you be angry at me if I backed out of Thanksgiving dinner?" 

"Not at all," Jamie says, "If you have a good reason, I can't stop you. Besides, it's just me and Jordie. You can have dinner with us anytime. If you want, we can do Thanksgiving the weekend after or something."

"Yeah, that'd be nice," Tyler says, and proceeds to tell Jamie all about the contest Eddie won, and listen to the jealous noises Jamie makes on the other end of the line.

xvx

The first GSA event in October is a board games night in a cafe downtown. Tyler orders a chai latte and sips it slowly while his eyes try to focus on his hand in Cards Against Humanity. It's the third game he's played that night, and he's listing slowly to his left, struggling to keep awake even as someone throws down a card that says 'Dead Babies' across it.

"I think it's bedtime," Jamie laughs, kicking Tyler lightly under the table. They haven't talked about it -- they haven't talked about what they want, where they're going, or who should know, so Tyler kept his hands to himself the whole night.

He's tired now, so it's easy to lean his head on Jamie's shoulder, and mumble, "Can you take me home?" And when Jamie nods, forfeits his cards along with Tyler's, and heads for the entrance with a few (okay, a lot, Jamie's a popular guy) of goodbyes, practically all the regulars at the GSA have seen Tyler half-draped around Jamie like a sweater.

"You're tired tonight, hmm?" Jamie asks, and Tyler nods, and leans against the window because he can't lean on Jamie while he's driving. "Did you want to spend the night at my place? It's closer, and it's Saturday tomorrow, so we don't have school."

"Yeah," Tyler says. He would've agreed anyway without Jamie's excuses -- he wants to know where Jamie lives, where he sleeps, and what his room smells like. Tyler bets it smells amazing, and a lot like Jamie's cologne, or his hair (Jamie uses the nicest coconut shampoo). 

Jamie's room does smells like coconut and Jamie's favourite cologne, and a bit like vanilla scented candles. His sheets feel clean and crisp, and Tyler shucks his clothes off until he's just in his boxers, and snuggles up on the side of Jamie's bed where there's a dent in the pillow. 

"Hey," Jamie crawls into the sheets -- he's wearing a t-shirt over his boxers, which is too much, but Tyler's not going to push it. "That's my spot."

"I know," Tyler says, voice muffled by the blanket. "That's why I'm here."

Jamie laughs, then lifts Tyler, scoots under him, and drops Tyler back onto his chest. "That's better." Tyler grunts, but doesn't make any effort to move. Jamie smiles, presses a kiss onto the top of Tyler's head, and it takes mere minutes before they're both sound asleep.

Tyler wakes up in the morning on his left side with Jamie wrapped around him like Saran wrap. Jamie's hand is dancing against Tyler's bare thigh, creeping up past the edge of his boxers and back down again. 

Tyler wiggles a bit purposely, and Jamie takes it as an invitation to finger the waistband of Tyler's underwear. "Yeah?" He asks softly. His voice is raspy from sleep, and he's so close to Tyler's ear -- Tyler's heart skips a beat, or three. 

"Yeah," Tyler agrees, and pulls his hips forward and up a bit to let Jamie tug his boxers off, and wrap a hand around him. He's half hard already, and it doesn't take him much to get all the way there. Jamie kisses at his neck, biting gently at the skin. His hand is rougher than Tyler's, but not as rough as Tyler's felt before. 

Jamie's movements don't match the coarse feel of his palm. The breath the ghosts along Tyler's neck is soft, the touch is tender, and Jamie's grinding his hips in slow circles against Tyler's backside; Tyler can feel him, hard, pressing into the swell of his ass. "God, Tyler," Jamie huffs. "You're so-" Tyler stiffens, his whole body going rigid, though he can't hold back the gasp as Jamie gives a slight twist to his wrist. "So fucking gorgeous," Jamie hisses, and Tyler just loses it and comes all over Jamie's hand with absolutely no warning at all.

"You like that, huh?" Jamie laughs, pressing a firm kiss onto Tyler's neck. Tyler can still feel Jamie, hard, waiting -- wanting. So Tyler turns around, kissing him properly, and crawls down the bed, pulling at Jamie's boxers along the way. 

Jamie tastes good. Tyler's blown a lot of guys in his lifetime, but he's never been particularly fond of having someone else's dick in his mouth, until now. He never thought he'd enjoy it, but the way Jamie squirms on the bed makes Tyler giddy on the inside; it makes his stomach dance, and his heart flutter like he's a teenager all over again.

He lets Jamie come down his throat, because Tyler gives good blowjobs, even when he's not so fond of having a dick in his mouth, and well, it seems like Jamie's dick is going to be the exception anyway.

"You taste good," Tyler tells him after, and Jamie swipes a finger against the corner of Tyler's lips, cleaning his face a bit, and gives Tyler this sex-dumb, lopsided smile that's absolutely not the most attractive thing Tyler has seen, no it is not (fine, it is).

xvx

Tyler's not excited to spend his Thanksgiving long weekend away from Jamie, but he's excited to see the Canucks and Bruins -- he hasn't supported the Bruins, in like, ever, even when he was living in Boston, and the Canucks are pretty far from his team too, but he's always excited to see NHL hockey that it doesn't even matter he may have gotten too drunk a few times with some of the guys that play for Boston last year.

They take a ferry to the mainland. Elias and Eddie spend the whole ride on the deck, even though it's freezing once they get onto the open water. They point at the homes on the islands they pass, and talk about buying an island to name after something or other that Tyler can't catch, because it's Swedish. 

For the most part, he and Gabe curl up in seats with big windows at the front of the ship, watching the waves roll in front of them. "You seem happier," Gabe says suddenly, smiling at Tyler. "Jamie, he's been good, yeah?"

"Yeah, it's been great," Tyler grins. "So, what's going on with you and Nate?"

"Nothing's going on," Gabe says quickly, his cheeks flushing before he can defend himself.

"Uh huh, sure," Tyler chuckles. "So, tell me about this nothing, and how great it is." 

Gabe shrugs. "It's alright," he says finally. "He's young. He's really young. I don't know how he got into college."

"Isn't he some sort of genius?"

"If he was, he'd be going to UBC or McGill or something," Gabe rolls his eyes. "No, he just graduated early or something, I don't know."

"So, what happened?" Tyler asks. "Did he ask you out?" Gabe shakes his head. "Well?"

"He doesn't want to be tied down," Gabe sighs. "I mean, we hooked up a few times, but I don't think he wants anything to come of it, you know?" Tyler does know -- Tyler knows too well. 

"I used to do that with a guy," he says. "Actually, we were dating, but he liked to pretend we weren't."

"He sounds like an asshole," Gabe says, leaning heavily against the window. "I mean, I'm not saying casual hookups with an eighteen-year-old are what I want out of life, but at least I knew what he wanted before I jumped into it."

"Yeah," Tyler says, thinking about Brad in his stupid Bruins t-shirt, Bruins snapback, Bruins jersey. "He was the guy I told you about, the one who told me to off myself. He was an ass. I guess I was blinded by... Well, it wasn't love, but it was something."

"Yeah, he sounds like something alright," Gabe winces. "So, are you stoked to see this hotel room?" 

"Yeah!" Tyler laughs, welcoming the topic change before his mind reaches those dark places he'd locked away since arriving in Victoria. 

The hotel they have a suite in is right downtown; there are two bedrooms, one with a king sized bed, one with a double, and a cot in the living area. Elias claims the cot right away, which makes the other three laugh -- they let Eddie have the double to himself since he'd won the tickets, while Gabe and Tyler throw their things into the room with the king.

Gabe jumps on the bed because he is a child, inside and out. After a while, Tyler has to join him. They laugh, falling into a tangled heap on the bed. "Come here," Tyler laughs, pulling out his phone and snapping a selfie of the two of them sprawled out on the bed, and posting it on Instagram.

"You better tag me in that," Gabe laughs, squinting at the picture where they lie with their hair askew and faces red from the exertion of jumping on the bed.

"You guys are losers," Elias says from the doorway, so of course, they have to tackle him onto the bed too.

Eddie hates feeling left out, so he wanders into the room just to dog pile on top of them, and then take a selfie of the four of them for Instagram, because he's not going to waste an opportunity when he sees one.

The four spend the afternoon wandering around Vancouver in the rain. The evening involves them meeting a man in a suit who brings them to a fancy restaurant for dinner where the menu is half in French and Tyler has no idea what he orders. He eats it anyway; it's delicious because it cost $40, he tells himself.

They get pizza a few hours later, wandering around downtown by themselves. Elias points to a club, and for the first time since he moved, Tyler goes out. He sticks close to his friends, but he's being the biggest cockblock in the world when Elias runs off with a girl, and Eddie disappears with another -- soon, it's just him and Gabe, and Gabe's making googly eyes at a girl across the bar. 

"Go talk to her," Tyler goads him.

"Nah," Gabe smiles softly, finishing his beer. "I think I'm going to call it a night, actually."

"Yeah?" Tyler asks, surprised.

"Tyler," Gabe laughs, "I love flirting with girls, it's fun, but I'm gay."

"Oh." Gabe laughs again, and leads Tyler by the elbow to the door.

"Look, I'm single, but that doesn't mean I want to pick up every time we go to a club, alright?"

"This is the first time we've been to a club," Tyler reminds him. Gabe shrugs.

"Whatever. My point is, I'll go back with you. You look miserable."

"I used to think this was fun," Tyler says as they walk toward the hotel. "I used to do this every other night."

"It's a wonder you didn't get expelled for your grades," Gabe snorts.

"I can't believe this school took me with the amount of D-'s I had," Tyler agrees emphatically. He's had a few drinks, his first since the school year began, and he's feeling a bit loose -- his tolerance has definitely gone down. "They should have gotten rid of me before I caused any more trouble."

"You know," Gabe says as he strips from his clothes and crawls into the bed, "When I first met you, you just looked like you were miserable, all the damn time, no matter what you were doing."

"Did I really?"

"Yeah," Gabe says, dragging it out emphatically. "It's better now, except now your happiness is attached to Jamie, and Tyler, I know you really like him, so don't take this the wrong way, but you met him, like, a month ago. Aren't you moving a bit fast?"

"We haven't fucked," Tyler defends himself as he gets into the bed next to Gabe. 

"Yeah, I get that, but you've done other stuff, right?" Gabe asks, and Tyler can't lie, especially when he's drunk, so he just nods into the pillow.

"Look, Jamie's a good guy, but you're just setting yourself up to get hurt again," Gabe says softly. He reaches out and cards his fingers through Tyler's hair. "I keep thinking about what you told me, about how you felt when you were in Boston -- it was all because of one guy."

"Yeah, but Jamie's different," Tyler whines. "He wouldn't do that to me."

"No, he wouldn't," Gabe says sadly, "but I'm afraid you might do that to yourself." Tyler doesn't know what that means, so he just nods. 

"Okay. I'm going to sleep now."

Gabe makes a soft snuffling sound, which means he's practically asleep. Tyler sighs, and watches the minutes move on the clock, eventually falling asleep to the sound of Gabe's even breathing.

xvx

Tyler's nursing a bit of a hangover when they get to Rogers Arena to watch the Canucks' morning skate, another perk of the prize pack Eddie won. 

He gets why they don't get to meet the team; a lot of the players have their game day routines that can't be broken -- Tyler used to be a hockey player. Tyler used to have a strict game day routine, and he can't imagine what it'd be like in the big leagues. 

They luck out though, or Eddie does, because they lose him somewhere between the rink and the exit, and find him again chatting with Luongo. Eddie's got hearts in his eyes, and they stand aside, and let him have his goalie moment. 

Lu signs a puck for Eddie and tells him "I'll look for you at the game tonight." As he walks away, Tyler, Elias and Gabe flock him.

"So, big shot, how does it feel to meet your idol?" Elias asks. They listen to Eddie rave about Luongo's goaltending abilities all the way to the burrito place they eat lunch, through lunch, and well into the afternoon.

They stop at their suite before the game to grab their tickets, then head back to Rogers Arena early to watch the players warm up. Tyler sits on the edge of his seat, because being in Rogers Arena is nothing like loitering outside the locker rooms at TD Garden with Brad waiting for Brad's friends to get out so they can go get blackout drunk at the nearest bar.

The Canucks win with a score of 2 - 1 in a tight race. They score once in the first and again in the third to secure the win after a late tying goal from the Bruins mid-way through the third, with goals coming from Ryan Kesler and Henrik Sedin, the lone Bruins goal from Milan Lucic, the Vancouver native. 

They get lost in the sea of blue and green leaving the stadium, but Eddie swears he saw Luongo wave at him, and insists on checking out the locker room like a few other fans, so they go and wait patiently by the doors.

They must be near the visitor's locker room, because even through the noise of the crowd, Tyler recognizes a familiar voice drifting above them all. "Holy fuck, Seguin, you're alive!" He wouldn't have stopped, but Gabe did, and then Elias did, and Eddie's nowhere to be seen... And Tyler, he turns around to see an unmistakable ginger head bobbing above the crowd. 

It's Dougie fucking Hamilton.

Tyler doesn't know Dougie particularly well -- he was always around when Brad wanted to go out drinking with the boys, and he was probably Tyler's favourite of the group because he never pressured Tyler into anything he didn't want, any drinks he didn't want, or any activities he didn't want.

He also wasn't full of homophobic slurs and racists jokes like the other guys he hung out with, and he kind of thought Brad was a dick (and vocalized it regularly), so Tyler doesn't really awful about stopping.

"Hey," he says, like Dougie's an old friend, not a guy who used to party with his ex all the time.

"We thought you died," Dougie says, and Tyler reminds himself that Dougie might not even know about what happened at Boston College -- then he remembers all the times Brad shot him down, or called him names under the watchful eyes of the Bruins organization, and he shrinks into himself.

"I wish I did," Tyler says bitterly; he bites his tongue, but it's too late.

"Okay, time to go," Gabe interjects quickly, right as Elias spots Eddie heading their way across the room.

"Eddie!" Elias tries to get his attention, but fails, and runs off after him, leaving Gabe and Tyler alone with Dougie.

"Is this your new boyfriend?" Dougie asks, looking Gabe up and down. "He's an improvement."

"Wouldn't have been hard to do," Tyler says. "He's not my boyfriend. My boyfriend is at home."

"Tyler, come on," Gabe says, pressing a warm hand against his side. Tyler's so tense -- he hadn't realized how tense he was. 

"No, wait," Dougie says, "Does Brad know you live in Vancouver now?"

"I don't live in Vancouver," Tyler tells him, and Dougie frowns. 

"Well, wherever you live, it doesn't matter, just don't let Brad find out."

"Why not?"

"Well, he's..." Dougie looks back and forth between the people milling about and lowers his voice. "He told us all about what happened at school, and, well, he's been saying that since you can't do anything right, he wants to finish the job. I know that guy's all talk, but I just... I thought you should know.

"You're a good guy, Tyler. I've always liked you, honestly. I don't know why Brad hates you so much, or how he managed to stick his dick in you to begin with, but please, be careful."

"You make it sound like he's looking for me," Tyler says through gritted teeth.

"He googled your name. I saw it in his history when I borrowed his phone," Dougie admits.

"So, he's looking for me?"

"He's looking for you," Dougie confirms. "Who knows -- maybe he wants to apologize. I know he thought you were in Toronto, but he hasn't heard from anyone who knows you there either."

"I didn't tell anyone where I went."

"Good. Don't." Tyler takes a deep breath, but it catches in his throat. Gabe presses against his arm lightly.

"Hey, I think we should head back to the hotel," Gabe says, and because Tyler can't talk, he turns to Dougie and says, "Thanks for telling him."

"No, thanks for listening. I know I can be a dick, and I know my friends can be too, but we're a team, you know? We have to do things together, but Brad's not part of our team. He's just... He's just Brad."

"I know," Gabe gives him a smile. "Thanks again, Hamilton."

"Anytime," he says. "And if anyone asks, I haven't seen you since Boston."

Tyler stops hyperventilating, and they head back to the hotel. Elias and Eddie are joking around in front of them, but Gabe and Tyler talk in low, hushed voices. "Do you think he's just trying to freak me out?" Tyler asks.

"I don't know the guy," Gabe says, "but he didn't exactly come off as sincere. Innocent, maybe, but I don't think that's the whole story."

"It never is, with Brad," Tyler sighs. He wants to be home, curled up in his bed, curled up in Jamie, breathing in the scent of vanilla candles and fresh sheets. Instead, he crawls into the stiff and cold hotel bed next to Gabe that night, clenches his fists around the blanket, and pretends he doesn't cry himself to sleep.

He doesn't know if the tears are from fear, or frustration, or anger anymore -- he just can't stop; they roll down his cheeks like fat drops of regret, and they're salty on his lips. They taste like Boston.

"Tyler," Gabe says sadly, and Tyler just rolls over, away from Gabe, though he can't hide the way his shoulders shake. "Jamie's going to kill me," Gabe murmurs to himself, then moves easily across the bed, pulling Tyler close to his side. 

"You'll be fine, Ty. Just sleep on it, and we can worry about it in the morning."

"Why would you worry about it?" Tyler snorts; his voice sounds all snotty and gross. 

"Tyler," Gabe stresses, rubbing his back and trying to soothe him. "You're important to me -- to all of us here, okay? I don't know what Brad wants, or if he wants anything at all, but you're on the other side of the continent. You can sleep tonight."

"You're right," Tyler curls up tight around Gabe. "Or, at least I can try."

In the morning, a picture shows up on Eddie's Instagram of Gabe and Tyler curled up together in bed. There's only one comment on it, from Jamie. It's only one word: what.

xvx

"What the fuck was that picture?" Jamie asks as soon as Tyler returns his call.

"Sorry," Tyler says, completely frazzled. He feels like he's going to melt -- Jamie's never been mad at him before, and he knows that it was a stupid thing to do, since Jamie's been absurdly jealous of Gabe from the get go. "We were just sleeping. I had a bad night." Tyler winces, and waits.

"How bad?" Jamie asks, his voice going soft. Tyler relaxes in one fell swoop. "Was it as bad as that one time in your kitchen?" Tyler appreciates how Jamie didn't say "the first time we kissed" because that would've been embarrassing.

"Kind of. Actually, I think it was worse."

"Yeah, I get it," Jamie says, "but we'll talk about this when you get home."

"Yeah," Tyler says shakily, still feeling relieved.

"Yeah, okay. Have a safe trip home, love you," Jamie says, and he hangs up before Tyler can respond. Tyler's still staring at his phone when Gabe wanders into the room.

"Everything good?"

"He just told me he loved me."

"So, everything's good," Gabe confirms.

"Gabe, he just told me he loves me. What do I say?"

Gabe shrugs. "Dude, I've never been in love. You're asking the wrong guy."

"Right," Tyler sucks in a deep breath. "I'm supposed to talk to him about last night when I get home, so I'll ask him then I guess."

"Ask him, or tell him?" Gabe asks, and Tyler rolls his eyes.

"I thought you said I was asking the wrong guy."

"I'm just saying, you probably shouldn't ask the guy who confessed his love to you how you should respond to that."

"Right, I should probably respond to it," Tyler gulps.

"Yep," Gabe grins. "Now come on, we have a ferry to catch. And in the meantime, maybe I'll call Jamie."

xvx

Gabe ends up tagging along to Jamie's place the next time Tyler heads over. At first, he doesn't understand why, but then he realizes that Gabe might want to clarify the events that happened in that hotel room in Vancouver. Tyler appreciates the moral support.

"Hey, you must be Tyler... And Gabe?" 

"Yeah, you're Jordie, right?" Tyler says as they're invited inside.

"Yeah," he nods. "My brother's in his room; feel free to go tell him he needs to put pants on."

Tyler rolls his eyes then looks at Gabe. "I told him I brought this guy with me so he better have pants on."

"Right," Jordie looks between them. "I'll be around if you need me," he says before disappearing into the kitchen. 

"Right, this way," Tyler says, leading Gabe up the stairs and to Jamie's room. The door is ajar, and Tyler knocks lightly before pushing it open. Jamie is, thankfully, wearing pants, reading a textbook on his bed. 

"Hey, Ty, Gabe, how was the game?"

"The game was really good, but the night after got interesting," Tyler says, sitting down next to Jamie on the bed as Gabe makes himself comfortable in the desk chair. Jamie hesitantly sits up, but he doesn't touch Tyler -- he doesn't press himself up to Tyler's side like he might've before.

"Tyler, what do you mean interesting?" Jamie asks. Tyler wants to reach out and pull him closer; his body feels warm, even from a few inches away, but Tyler doesn't. 

"Can I tell you guys about Brad, while I have you both here?" Tyler asks, and Jamie and Gabe nod, so he wrings his hands together, and says, "Brad was my first boyfriend. We were in the same program at Boston College -- we moved into a house together, and we became best friends over the span of two weeks.

"We started hooking up at first; it was great, since he was my best friend, house mate, and fuck buddy. Fucking turned weirdly possessive for him -- he asked me out, and I said yes. It was fine, but then he started setting all these rules for me.

"He started telling me who I could talk to, what I could do, and where I could go. If I didn't do exactly what he said, he would punish me. It was fine, at first. He'd just, like, withhold sex and shit. And then it got worse -- he started taking my things, like my phone. He'd delete all my contacts, or cut my internet. Once, he locked me in a bathroom for six hours.

"I was young, and he was paying to get me drunk every other night, so I just played along. I thought all relationships were about compromise-"

"They are, but that wasn't compromise," Jamie says, voice cracking as he interrupts Tyler's story. 

"I get that now," Tyler says softly, and Jamie opens up his arms, letting Tyler snuggle against him this time.

"That wasn't it though," Gabe says, urging Tyler to continue, because there's clearly more to the story. 

"He started telling me that he gave me these rules to follow because I wasn't good enough, and after a while, I just started believing them." Tyler sucks in a deep breath. "Anybody who says that you should walk away from an abusive relationship has clearly never been in one."

"I'm sorry you had to go through that," Jamie whispers, hugging Tyler tighter. "Does this, uh, does this bother you when I worry about you?"

"I'm not used to it," Tyler admits. "It probably bothers me about as much as it bothers you when I hang out alone with Gabe."

"I don't want you guys sharing a bed," Jamie pouts.

"You look stupid," Gabe rolls his eyes at Jamie before turning back to Tyler. "Sorry Tyler, no offense, but you're not really my type."

"Oh, you're type is more like, barely legal, wavy hair-"

"Shut the fuck up," Gabe snaps, and Jamie raises an eyebrow.

"Nate?" Jamie asks. Tyler confirms it with a nod, as Gabe gives them both the finger. 

"Anyway," Gabe says loudly, after the game, we ran into Dougie Hamilton, from the Boston Bruins. Apparently, he knows Brad, and was one of the guys who used to go out with Tyler in Boston."

"You know a Bruin?" Jamie asks, sounding impressed. Tyler shrugs.

"Kind of. I don't try to keep in touch."

"So, what happened?" Jamie asks, looking at Gabe, since Tyler's fallen silent again. Gabe shakes his head, and looks at Tyler, who groans.

"Before I left Boston, I was in a rough spot. To say I was depressed is probably an understatement. Brad got mad at me one night, and told me to go kill myself, so I did -- or, well, I wanted to. I went out, bought a gun, brought it to school, and I was going to shoot myself in class."

"But you didn't," Jamie says, his grip deathly tight around Tyler's middle. He wiggles a bit; he definitely owes Jamie the benefit of the doubt here. 

"No, I didn't, because I'm a coward, amongst the other things he called me. I got expelled from school, and then my parents shipped me here, which turned out to be the best thing to happen to me. Except, that night after the game, Dougie said that Brad's looking for me to finish what I couldn't do myself, and knowing that gang, it's probably just an empty threat, but Dougie said it was a warning, and I don't know whether to believe him."

Jamie makes a strangled noise that's vaguely inhuman, and Gabe grimaces from his chair. "So that's the story."

"So that's how you two ended up in bed together," Jamie says. Tyler can feel his body slowly relax again from where he's pressed against Jamie's side. 

"Yeah," Gabe nods. "It was a rough night."

"I can't even imagine," Jamie whispers, gently rubbing Tyler's back. "I wish I could've been there."

"It's fine," Tyler says. "You're here now. You saw a picture of me in bed with the one guy you thought you had no chance against, and you're still here."

"That's because I know Gabe," Tyler gives a half-smile. "Not well, but maybe I should get to know him better."

"Good," Tyler says, looking between them. "I don't know what I'd do if you guys didn't like each other," he laughs.

"Even if I didn't like him," Jamie says, "I can't stop you from seeing him." Tyler frowns, and shakes his head. "I wouldn't," Jamie tells him, and Tyler gets a weird feeling from inside the pit of his stomach that he can't place.

"So, even if you didn't like him, you wouldn't make me choose between you?"

"I wouldn't be really happy," Jamie says, "but I can't stop you from living your life."

"This is weird," Tyler turns to Gabe. "Is this weird?"

"No, Ty, this is what a relationship is supposed to be like." Gabe smiles, as he stands up and ruffles Tyler's hair. "I'm going to go home -- give you kids some alone time."

"Right," Jamie nods, standing up and giving Gabe a quick half-hug goodbye. "Thanks for, you know, taking care of Tyler for me."

"Don't break him," Gabe says, the threat disguised by an easy laugh. 

"I won't," Jamie says earnestly, showing Gabe out the door. 

"Thanks for coming over," Jordie yells as Gabe leaves. 

Jamie turns to Tyler and smiles softly. "Stay over tonight?"

"Yeah," Tyler nods. "I'd like that."

xvx

Tyler goes to Fer for breakfast the morning that Andrew returns from Quebec. "How was your trip?" Tyler asks as Andrew joins him at the table.

"Good," Andrew smiles; he looks refreshed, and ten years younger. His eyes are brighter. "Patrice is doing really well over at the new branch of his company. He may be able to transfer over to Victoria as early as next year."

"That's exciting," Tyler grins.

"Nugget said your Swedes brought you to a Canucks game."

"Yeah, it was a good time," Tyler says, and Andrew frowns.

"Now that face looks like a story."

"It's a bit of a tedious one. I'd have to start from the beginning."

"Good thing it's quiet today," Andrew says, and then proceeds to ward off his waitstaff and cooks (Nugget included) as Tyler retells the whole saga of his relationship with Brad, and the threat from Dougie following the game.

"So yeah, I'm kind of a dumbass," Tyler says, "because I can't stop worrying about it, even if Jamie and Gabe have been great about this whole thing." 

"Here's my suggestion," Andrew says after a moment of careful contemplation. "I say go to the police -- clearly you don't feel safe -- and request a restraining order on Brad. Even though it may not go through, should this case go to court, it may change how things proceed. 

"Also, I'd recommend finding a therapist or counselor to talk with; maybe your school has someone on staff, or an office they recommend. I know you may feel like you're getting your act together, but it doesn't hurt to make sure.

"The third thing I suggest you do is go home and call your parents -- you don't have to tell them the whole situation, but make sure they're aware that there is someone out there who may be looking for you without the best intentions in mind. They should do everything they can to protect you, since it sounds like they're the only ones in Ontario who know where you are."

"Thanks for the wisdom," Tyler says, and after a moment of hesitation, he adds, "And thanks for not getting stuck on the fact that I tried to kill myself."

"You were in a bad place," Andrew says. "A lot of us have been there. It isn't fun, and you're not stuck on it, so I don't see why I should be."

"I like that," Tyler says, smiling wide.

"I borrowed it from Patrice," Andrew says with a fond look on his face. "He said something very similar to me when we first met."

"I get the feeling you borrow a lot from Patrice," Tyler says.

"Yeah, this is his shirt," Andrew jokes. "Did you want more coffee?"

"Yes, please."

xvx

"I'm going to Jamie's for a late Thanksgiving dinner," Tyler tells Brownie as he pulls the fourth shirt over his head. "I have to look good."

"He'll fuck you no matter what you wear. You're dating," Brownie says, which is totally useless.

"Just tell me I look fine," Tyler pleads, and Brownie rolls his eyes.

"You look fine." 

"Good," Tyler sighs, grabbing his toothbrush and throwing it into his backpack. 

"Bring a condom!" Brownie yells as the Skype connection cuts. Tyler sighs and closes his laptop. Before he heads out though, he does throw a condom into his bag for good measure.

Dinner itself is nothing fancy, though clearly, Jordie and Jamie have been cooking all day, and the turkey looks absolutely perfect, sitting as the centerpiece to the feast. 

"Thanks for the food," Tyler says softly to Jamie and Jordie before he digs into his meal -- there are going to be so many leftovers. 

"No problem," Jamie says, meeting Tyler's eyes across the table as Jordie pretends to gag.

"You guys are disgusting."

"You're just jealous," Jamie shoots back. 

"Yeah, because I totally want some dude on my dick," Jordie snorts. "No thanks." 

Tyler rolls his eyes and eats his dinner.

Afterward, the three of them sprawl across the furniture in the living room to watch dumb horror movies that Tyler can't name because they all look the same to him. It's fine, since he spends most of them with his face in Jamie's neck, half awake, just enjoying the feeling of a body next to him.

"Did you ever get to do this with Brad?" Jamie asks quietly when Jordie goes to the bathroom to get ready for bed.

"Yeah," Tyler nods. "We used to have movie nights, before things got weird. It was how we started hooking up, actually -- we were watching Fight Club, and one thing led to another."

"Right," Jamie says, a funny expression flashing across his face. "We're not watching Fight Club now."

"I know," Tyler laughs, tugging Jamie up off the couch. "And it'd be fine if we were, because you're not Brad, alright?" As he says it, he thinks about how it started with Brad; cold hands and frantic, desperate touches that led to a thousand walks of shame. Yeah, Jamie isn't Brad, and never will be Brad, and for that, Tyler is thankful.

"I want to take you out again sometime soon," Jamie says when they curl up together in his bed that night. Tyler nods against Jamie's chest. "I want to take you somewhere fun, like to a concert, maybe next Thursday after the GSA meeting?"

"I can do that," Tyler confirms, since his classes start late on Fridays anyway. "I'll make sure I get my homework done before then."

"Good," Jamie says, petting Tyler's hair. "Good."

xvx

Elias and Eddie bail out on the next GSA meeting to check out the local hockey team, the Victoria Royals, play the Kamloops Blazers. "Tell me if they're worth watching," he demands as Eddie leaves. He gets a salute in response, and the door clicks shut.

It opens again a moment later when Gabe creeps into his living room. "Holy shit," Tyler jumps when he turns around, and Gabe is right there behind his left shoulder. 

"Sorry," Gabe says loftily; he doesn't sound sorry at all. "Are you going to the meeting tonight?"

"Yeah," Tyler nods. "I was just about to head out."

"Oh, good," Gabe says, and Tyler bumps into his shoulder lightly. He knows Gabe still doesn't want to attend these meetings alone; he knows Gabe still isn't quite over what happened in high school. Tyler wonders how long it'll be until Gabe realizes that the club isn't going to pick on him -- not under Jamie's leadership, at any rate.

As they head to the bus stop together, Tyler actually stops dead in his tracks when he realizes that maybe Gabe doesn't realize how goddamn unfairly beautiful he is. Tyler gets that puberty does rough things to the body (he, of all people, should know) and maybe Gabe wasn't walking sex on legs in high school -- maybe Gabe just hadn't grown into his body yet.

"You're really fucking hot, you know that?" Tyler blurts. Gabe turns to him, confused.

"Uh, thanks?"

"No, really," Tyler insists. "You're gorgeous."

"Uh, if this is where you're going to confess your undying love for me, you might want to break Jamie's heart yourself, not through me."

Tyler smacks Gabe on the arm. "God no, I'm sorry, but no. I just wanted you to know that you're a babe."

"Right," Gabe drags out the word as they get on the bus. "I guess you aren't ugly either," he says, bumping shoulders with Tyler before they move on to different topics.

They get ambushed by Nate the minute they walk into the building. "Gabe, hey! Oh, Tyler, what's up guys?" Nate grins wide, giving Gabe a quick sideways hug before leading the way to the classroom where the meetings are held. 

"Not much. I had partially frozen hot dogs for dinner because Tyler is a terrible influence on me and breaks our stove on a daily basis."

"YOLO," Tyler laughs, walking into the classroom after them. "Oh, I want to go see Val -- see you guys!" Tyler bolts, hoping to leave Gabe alone with Nate and no longer feel like the third wheel.

"Hey," Tyler hops onto a desk next to Jamie, slinging his arm around Jamie's shoulder. "What's up?"

"Val's just telling us about how excited he is to go home for Christmas break," Jamie says. "He's trying to convince me I need to go to Russia someday."

"Is beautiful country," Val says seriously, to which Tyler nods.

"Are you coming to the Halloween party?" Jamie asks Val, who shakes his head emphatically. 

"In Russia, we think poking at bad spirits not a good thing."

"Yeah, it's not so much like that, even," Tyler shrugs. "I mean, we just use it as an excuse to put on dumb costumes and get drunk."

"I don't need a holiday to put on a costume and drink," Val says hotly, which makes Jamie and Tyler chuckle. 

"Right, well if you want to join us, you know where we'll be," Jamie laughs, and then walks up to the front of the room to start the meeting since most people had trickled in by then. 

After the meeting, Jamie brings Tyler to a bar downtown for their date -- three indie bands with out of tune guitars wail about past loves on stage, and Jamie buys Tyler locally brewed beer, and they huddle in the corner with their knees knocking and talk for a long time about what felt like nothing at all.

When Jamie walks Tyler back to his apartment that night, their kiss goodnight stretches what fees like hours, standing under a flickering streetlight.

xvx

"Do I look like a viking?" Tyler jerks his head up to see Eddie standing in the doorway of his room dressed as Thor, pointing his hammer toward the ceiling. He's got the chest armour, bright red cape, blonde wig and all. If he weren't so scrawny, maybe he'd actually look like Thor.

"You're a freak," Tyler says, but then after a moment, he adds, "Yeah, you make a good Thor."

"Good," Eddie says, dropping the hammer. "What's your costume?"

Tyler shrugs, and points to his closet where his Buzz Lightyear outfit, complete with (partially) retractable wings, is hanging. "I'm not going to put it on yet -- we don't have to leave for like, three hours."

"Suit yourself," Eddie says, and disappears down the hall again, swinging his hammer haphazardly. 

Elias shows up at their door as Tyler's adjusting his wings, trying to figure out the best way to get on the bus without accidentally taking someone out. Elias is dressed as Wayne Gretzky; he's got a stick in his hand, helmet and number 99 jersey on, with a pair of skates slung over his shoulder.

"You're boring," Eddie tells him, and taps his helmet with the hammer. "C'mon, let's go."

"Wait, where's Gabe?" Tyler asks, looking between Elias and Eddie.

"Oh, he's with Nate," Elias grins. "He said he'd meet us there."

"He's hanging out with Nate now?" Eddie asks. "I thought they were just bangin'." 

"Me too," Tyler shrugs. "Good for Gabe though, I guess?"

"I don't know if we should be encouraging him," Elias says as they leave the apartment. "Mac's practically jailbait."

"Yeah, well, he makes Gabe happy," Eddie defends him, and that somehow devolves to the two of them bickering over the best flavour of jam, and then snippy Swedish which Tyler kindly keeps out of -- it keeps them occupied all the way to Jamie's house, where the GSA's halloween party is held.

"What's up?" Jordie greets them at the door and letting them inside. "Holy shit Tyler, your Buzz Lightyear looks amazing. Woody won't know what hit him," he says with a cheesy wink. Tyler laughs as Jordie points them toward Jamie.

"Lookin' good, cowboy," Tyler grins, walking up behind Jamie and picking up the hat from his head.

"You too, partner," Jamie grins, stealing his hat back almost immediately. Jamie doesn't look out of place in his plaid shirt, cow-print vest, red bandana, and cowboy boots -- his Woody costume -- in fact, he looks comfortable, and oddly attractive. 

"Boo!" Tyler jerks around, startled to find a ghost -- well, a person covered head to toe in a white sheet with eyeholes -- standing behind him. 

"Jesus Christ," Tyler huffs when he notices how blue those eyes are. "Gabe, what the fuck?"

"Did I scare ya?" Gabe asks, laughing as Tyler shakes his head.

"I wasn't scared!"

"You jumped, like, three feet," Nate says, walking up behind Gabe. He's dressed as some current pop star that Tyler can't put his finger on, complete with a sparkly, sequin dress, high heels, and blonde wig. 

"Fuck," Tyler says, looking Nate up and down.

"I know," Nate laughs. "Gabe did my makeup."

"It looks great," Tyler grins, looking closely at the immaculate winged eyeliner. "You're good with makeup," he tells Gabe. 

"Thanks. You want to grab a drink?" He asks, and Tyler nods, grabbing Jamie by the arm, and dragging him along to the kitchen.

At the end of the night, the house is a mess -- they tidy a bit, but it's nearing four am and Jordie is nowhere to be seen. Tyler lets Jamie tug him upstairs where they drop down lazily on the bed.

"Did you have a good time?" Jamie asks between kisses as they burrow under the blankets.

"Yeah," Tyler smiles. "The best."

"Good," Jamie says. "That's... I just want you to be happy."

"I am happy," Tyler says, and for the first time in a long time, he realizes that yeah, he is.

**NOVEMBER**

"How's school going?" Andrew asks as he plunks Tyler's coffee down on the table in front of him.

"Good!" Tyler grins as Andrew takes his seat. "I don't remember the last time I had grades this good. Crunch time is coming up though -- I got a bunch of big projects and a presentation this coming week."

"That sounds rough. Man, I don't miss being in school," Andrew smiles.

"How's Patrice?" Tyler asks casually. "I'd like to meet him sometime soon."

"You still don't think he's real, do you?"

"Well, you don't have pictures of him, and I've never met him..."

"I'll see if he wants to visit for Christmas, or maybe sometime after since we usually go see his family in Quebec," Andrew frowns. "He's real though, I promise."

"You say that, and yet I've known you for years and he's never visited once?" Ryan saunters up to their table, pulling up a chair. "I mean, really Andrew, you'd think you were hiding him on purpose."

"What if I am?" Andrew rolls his eyes. "He's a busy guy, Nugget."

"Yeah?" Tyler laughs. "So am I, but I still find time to make it here." 

"It's down the street, not across the country," Andrew rolls his eyes again. 

"I still want to meet him," Tyler says.

"Fine," Andrew sighs. "I'll ask." 

"That's all I've wanted for the last three years!" Ryan exclaims with a pout. "Why do you do these things for Tyler, and not for me?"

"You never ask," Andrew says. "Now go back to work. How's Jamie doing? I haven't seen that kid in a while," he says to Tyler.

"He's doing good," Tyler replies seriously. "He's been busy with his midterms; we're doing good though, so nothing new to report on that front."

"Nothing at all?"

"Nah," Tyler smiles. "Life's great, Andrew."

"Good," Andrew reaches across the table to ruffle Tyler's hair. "I'm happy for you."

xvx

Jamie hangs out at Tyler's apartment a lot to study; he claims it's quieter than his house, which isn't hard to believe since it seems like Jordie has a group of friends over every other day.

"It helps when Eddie won't let me steal the remote and change the channel," Jamie laughs, though honestly, Eddie usually has hockey on, and there isn't much else that Jamie wants to watch anyway.

Jamie, Tyler, Eddie, and Elias are all studying together one day at the table, Gabe gone out with Nate for one reason or another, when Tyler's laptop pings with a Skype call. "Do you mind if I answer this?" He gets a bunch of shrugs in return, so he clicks 'Answer' and lets Brownie's face fill the screen.

"Sup?"

"Not much," Brownie grins widely. "I haven't heard from you in a long time. You look good, babe." Jamie's ears perk up, and Tyler wants to whap him over the head and say "Down boy!"

"You too," Tyler grins. "Say hi to Eddie, our neighbour Elias, and my boyfriend Jamie."

"Oooh, ooh, you're the elusive boyfriend," Brownie crows excitedly as Jamie ducks into view of the camera. "You're... bigger than I expected."

Jamie barks out a laugh, and Tyler flushes, as Jamie casually winds his arms around Tyler. "You're not wearing moose-print," Jamie says, which makes Brownie walk over to his closet and wave his dumb pajama pants around.

"I have 'em right here."

"Of all things I told you about him," Tyler sighs, "That is what you remember."

"I have a knack for these things," Jamie jokes, kissing Tyler on the cheek loudly before returning to his open textbook. 

"I just crashed a mad study sesh, didn't I?" Brownie asks as Eddie and Elias wave and go back to their books as well.

"Yeah, kinda," Tyler shrugs. Brownie laughs, and shakes his head.

"Go study, college boy," and hangs up.

Tyler goes back to his books, his foot pressed against Jamie's under the table.

xvx

The first GSA event of November happens in place of the usual Thursday night meeting. The group claims half of Slapshot as their own territory, and enter the music bingo competition.

Gabe and Nate leave with $25 Starbucks gift cards and enough beer to get their circle of friends from comfortably buzzed to hammered. Jamie's nice enough to play designated driver and bring their drunk asses back to the apartment -- Tyler insists on dragging him upstairs as well.

The morning after, they jerk each other off slow and lazy, with short breaths dancing across each other's lips. "You," Tyler bites out, "Are fucking amazing." 

"God, Tyler," Jamie huffs. "Can I just..." He trails his hand down, pressing against Tyler's entrance. "I want this, Tyler. I want you so bad." 

"Yeah," Tyler breathes, "God, you just, ugh, please." 

Jamie moves up over Tyler, kicking the blanket aside, his body covering Tyler's well on the too-small bed. "Ty, I... I want to do this right, okay?"

"Not here," Tyler says quickly, because yeah, his bed is not built for two full grown men.

"No, not here, but soon," Jamie agrees before he leans down to kiss Tyler, dropping his body and grinding their hips together until they both come over Tyler's stomach, messy and eager.

"We have classes today," Tyler moans after he's cleaned up; he sits on his couch with his head in his hands. "I need coffee and we're out."

"Let's go to Fer," Jamie offers, and Tyler nods, following him out the door as they walk down the block. Andrew's outside, talking quietly into his phone. He waves them in, and joins their table not long after Jordan points them to one. 

"How's life? You guys look happily hungover."

"Hey, I'm not hungover," Jamie laughs. "I was designated driver last night."

"Lucky you," Andrew smiles. 

"Life's good," Tyler says, clutching his coffee like a lifeline. "I have like, four midterms next week, but everything else is great."

"Yeah, my midterms are all done -- I have one on Monday and that's that."

"Remembrance day is on Tuesday," Andrew says, "so at least you have a day off after your midterm."

"Yeah," Jamie nods. "My schedule worked out well, unlike Tyler, who has four midterms in three days."

"It could be worse," Ryan says, joining them at the table. "I have three midterms in one day."

"Your schedule just sucks, period," Tyler kicks him lightly under the table. Ryan laughs and nods as Andrew offers him coffee.

"I need to get to school," Jamie says, stretching. "Do you guys need a ride?"

"I don't have classes Fridays, but thanks," Ryan says as he stands. "I guess I should get back to work anyway."

"Well I'm not paying you to sit around and have coffee," Andrew says, bemused. "See you guys soon, eh?"

"See ya," Tyler gives a quick wave before he and Jamie head out. If Jamie keeps his hand on Tyler's thigh the whole ride, well, Tyler doesn't say a thing.

xvx

Tyler's not exactly panicking about his midterms -- he's not stressed -- or, that's what he tells himself as he frantically crams on Remembrance Day, a gigantic mug of coffee beside him. "Jesus, if you're like this for midterms, I'd hate to see you during exam week," Eddie says, throwing a sandwich together on a plate and dropping it on top of Tyler's notes. "You gotta eat, dude."

"Thanks," Tyler says gratefully, taking a bite into it and making a near orgasmic noise in response to the flavour. "You make really fucking good sandwiches. I should just delegate all sandwich-making to you in the future," Tyler moans.

"Right," Eddie says, frowning. He picks up the textbook he'd left in the living room, and a blanket from the couch to throw over his legs before he joins Tyler at the table with his own sandwich. "I need to study too," he sighs. "I should learn from you."

"I'll remind you to study if you keep making sandwiches," Tyler mumbles around his food, which has Eddie shaking his head, laughing. 

Elias and Gabe show up not too long after, and soon they're all buried elbow deep in their books, trying to find some semblance of sanity in their messy notes. "I don't know why I even bother," Elias breaks the calm rustling of paper as he slams his textbook shut. "You guys want a break? I want a break."

"I was ready for a break two hours ago," Gabe says, closing his books as well. 

"You want to go to the park? It's cold, but it's sunny out for once. It'll be refreshing."

"You know, it's not actually that cold," Tyler laughs, putting on his jacket. "Man, the weather here is beautiful. This time of the year where I'm from, we'd be knee-deep in snow."

"Same, except I'm actually from, like, way up north," Elias rolls his eyes. He'd pointed Boden, Sweden out on a map for Tyler once, up near the Finnish border, and Tyler's jaw had dropped, so Elias -- he knows cold.

"Right," Eddie says quickly, herding them all out the door. "We'll go to the park for a while, come back here for dinner, and then study more before bed."

The park is just down the road and around the corner. It's attached to a middle school by a wide field. Obviously, the school is closed for the holiday and the kids are all at home -- and well, no one wants to go to a park in November. Gabe and Tyler race for the swings as the other two follow behind at a more reasonable pace.

The wind feels amazing on Tyler's face. It's not too cold, but cold enough to bite at his skin and turn his cheeks red; his fingers go numb from where they're wrapped around the metal chain that holds the swing up.

Tyler used to love the swings when he was a kid; he'd picked up the habit of running for them again in Boston when everything felt like it was there to drag him down, and all he wanted to do was reach up with his toes and touch the clouds.

So Tyler pumps his legs up and up and up, trying to push to the sky -- higher than Gabe, than the playground equipment, than Eddie standing on the roof thing, and highter than the treetops. He's not sure how it happens; he jerks to the side when he tries to shift his weight and suddenly, Tyler's flying off his swing.

He lands hard on his hands and knees, and though he's got sand in some uncomfortable places, he's fine. "Jesus, Ty," Gabe sighs, touching the back of Tyler's neck lightly when he doesn't stand right away. "Don't kill yourself," he jokes, then bites his lip, like he realized what he just said.

"Yeah, there are better things to die over," Tyler brushes it off, and it doesn't help his souring mood, but having Gabe nearby is always a plus. 

"You alright?" Gabe asks him softly, like he can see Tyler slowly unwinding under his skin. "You look kind of pale."

"Maybe I should just sit down for a while," Tyler says, and as he staggers over to a bench at the side of the park and drops onto it like a bag of sand. 

"Are you sure you don't want to go home?" Gabe asks. Tyler looks across the playground to where Eddie and Elias are climbing the monkey bars, and shakes his head. Gabe nods, and Tyler expects him to walk away and join their friends, but instead, he sits down next to Tyler, throws his arm around Tyler's shoulders, and waits.

Tyler thinks about Boston; he thinks about the swings at the park near his old house, the house he shared with Brad and four other guys, though only two of them were supposed to be there. He thought about the time Dougie put a shoe through the TV when the Bruins lost the Stanley Cup Final, and everyone cried.

He thinks about those nights Brand barricaded him into his room, and told him he wasn't allowed to leave. He thinks about cowering in the bathroom, throwing up the previous night's mistakes and bad decisions until his throat was red and raw -- he thinks about Boston, again, and again, and it won't leave his head.

His nails are digging into the scrapes on his palms; his head is throbbing, and he wants Brad. He wants Brad to be here, to hold him close and to tell him he's never going to leave again without adding that Tyler won't ever find someone better. He just wants things to be the way they were, before he got fucked up beyond all hope, and went out a bought a gun.

Jesus Christ, he bought a fucking gun.

"God fucking dammit!" Tyler explodes in one motion, standing, turning, and punching the bench behind him so hard the skin over his knuckles break and bleed. 

"Okay, time to go home," Gabe says decisively, taking Tyler forcefully by the arm and leading him back to the apartment building, leaving Eddie and Elias behind.

Gabe takes Tyler back to his apartment; they stand in the bathroom while Gabe carefully cleans the cuts on Tyler's hands. Gabe waits; he knows it's coming, but he waits anyway, careful not to prod.

"How stupid was I?" Tyler asks, finally breaking the silence. "I bought a gun, Gabe. I bought a gun, I told them all I was buying a gun and bringing it to school, and nobody stopped me."

"You told the wrong people," Gabe says gently, returning Tyler's hands after he bandages them and frowns. 

"He hasn't tried to call," Tyler says suddenly, staring at the bandages. "I mean, I know Dougie said he's looking for me, but all he has to do is call me. I haven't changed my number." 

Gabe looks at him contemplatively for a long moment, and then nods. "I know." 

Tyler doesn't know when Gabe found the time to contact Jamie, but he must've, because he appears at the door not a minute after the conversation. Jamie, soft, gentle, caring Jamie, who can't do anything but let Tyler fall against him and breathe -- Jamie, who rubs his back, and tells him he's good, so good, and that Brad never deserved him.

And, well, Tyler listens, because it's Jamie -- Jamie, who'd never let Tyler buy a gun if he said he'd use it to off himself. When Tyler's calmed down enough, it's clear Elias, Gabe, and Eddie are avoiding the apartment, probably next door. He and Jamie are sprawled on the couch, tangled together from head to toe.

"Sorry," he struggles out of Jamie's grip. "We could've been studying-"

"No, Tyler, stop," Jamie pulls him back. "Close your eyes and rest for a while, okay? I don't want to see you freak out like that again."

"You won't," Tyler says insistently, but Jamie shakes his head.

"You can't know," he says softly. "I just want you to be okay. What set it off?"

Tyler shrugs and hides his face, embarrassed. "Swings," he mumbles, and Jamie smiles into his hair, waiting for him to continue. "I used to spend a lot of time away from Brad on the swings."

"I used to love the swings as a kid," Jamie tells him. "I used to think if I went fast enough, I'd get to another dimension."

"If it worked like that, I would've jumped ship a long time ago," Tyler snorts, but he's smiling, so it's a step in the right direction. "Jamie, seriously though, we have midterms tomorrow."

"Yeah," Jamie laughs, sitting up and stretching. "You're right. We should study."

xvx

"You're still alive!" Eddie says happily when Tyler emerges from his room the next morning. Jamie walks out behind, rolling his eyes. 

"Morning, Eddie."

"Jamie?"

"I called him," Gabe volunteered from the fridge.

"Gabe, why are you in our kitchen?"

"Elias ate all our food and I don't have time to get something before my midterm."

"Oh fuck you, you owe us breakfast," Eddie laughs, throwing a banana peel at Gabe's back. 

"Sorry about yesterday," Tyler says to Jamie after the Swedes cleared out. "I guess I was just having a bad day."

"Sometimes you do things and the implications don't hit you for a long time," Jamie shrugs, though Tyler's sure he's never done something as needy or whiney as threatening suicide on his abusive ex-not-really-boyfriend.

"Jamie," he sighs. "I mean it, okay? If I'm being too much of an attention whore, I get it."

"Jesus Christ, Tyler," Jamie sighs, pushing Tyler down onto the couch and glaring down at him. "I don't think you're any of those things, ok? Sometimes we have bad days, and for some of us those days are worse than others. I won't hold it over your head."

"But you never-"

"You just haven't seen it yet," Jamie shakes his head as he cuts Tyler off. "I like spending time with you, and if you're having a bad time, I'll do what I can to change that, even if you think it makes you needy."

"Fuck," Tyler hunches over, pushing his face into his hands.

"Hey," Jamie drops down on the couch and pulls Tyler against him. "If you want to push me away, that's fine, but I'll still be here if you want me, okay?"

"Me too," Tyler says, looking up with a shaky smile. "I mean, I'll be here too."

"Good; I'm glad we're on the same page," Jamie says, standing up. "Now we should probably go to school."

xvx

The first GSA event in November is a gathering at the local pool hall. It's the night after Tyler's last midterm, and he's still feeling shaky at best about how much he wants Jamie around (all the time, obviously), but when Gabe assures him it doesn't make him pathetic or any less of a friend, he feels a bit more human about it.

Eddie and Elias are already there, camped out at a table with Jamie, Val, and Nate, with a giant plate of nachos and two pitchers of beer as the centerpiece. Nate pushes a glass under Gabe's nose the moment he sits down, which makes Tyler smile as he takes the empty spot next to Jamie at the edge of the booth. 

"Hi," Jamie greets him, sliding an arm around his waist.

"Hi yourself," Tyler grins, leaning his head against Jamie's shoulder briefly.

"Feeling better?"

"Good enough," Jamie says, reaching for the nachos. "Now, I hope you're my partner tonight because we are going to kick some European ass at pool."

It doesn't happen like that. For the most part, they lose their games, though they do pick up a few against Val and his friend Nail who are too busy yelling at each other in increasingly loud Russian to even pay attention to the game. 

Everyone gets their asses handed to them by Gabe and Nate who dance away victoriously with a $20 gift card each to Mountain Equipment Co-Op, the local outdoor adventure store. 

"You guys suck," Jamie laughs, reaching over to ruffle Nate's hair as they all lean drunkenly against each other on the bus. 

"Yeah, and he likes it," Nate laughs, leaning heavily against Gabe, and it's no secret whose bed they're going to be in tonight. 

"You gonna come over?" Jamie asks, his breath hot against Tyler's ear. Tyler shivers and nods, his body turning automatically toward his boyfriend. 

"Of course," he says. Jamie smiles wide.

"Jordie's in Vancouver for the night," he says, leaning in to nip at Tyler's ear. 

"Y-yeah," Tyler makes a wounded noise, and he follows Jamie off the bus like a lovesick puppy looking for a belly rub.

Tyler didn't count on anything actually happening, but he's stupidly grateful when Jamie seems all aboard for the belly rubs, or, well, slightly lower than belly rubs. 

He sleeps well that night, his body pressed under the weight of Jamie's, the memory of Jamie's voice in his ear whispering, "God, you're the most beautiful thing I've ever seen" as he comes all over Tyler's stomach.

When he wakes up, the bed is empty. Tyler feels his stomach drop -- he remembers waking up to an empty bed more than once in Boston, after the nights Brad will claim never happened the day after. He sucks in a deep breath; the pillow smells like Jamie, and Jamie, he's probably just downstairs.

Almost as if he can sense Tyler is up, Jamie materializes in the doorway, a towel wrapped around his waist, hair dripping to his shoulders. "Morning," he says, all smiles, like Tyler isn't stretched out alone and naked on his bed.

"Jamie," Tyler says his name, waggling his eyebrows as he does. Jamie bursts out laughing, so he misses the way Tyler's breath gets caught in his throat as Jamie drops the towel from around his waist and crawls onto the bed. 

"You're ridiculous," Jamie says, but he says it like ridiculous is a good thing, and Tyler is all smiles when Jamie leans down to try and kiss him, and mostly misses because Tyler can't stop smiling so damn hard.

Also, he's feeling pretty restless, wiggling under Jamie until Jamie just drops his weight on Tyler's hips, holding him in place as he keeps himself level with his arms on either side of Tyler's shoulders. 

Tyler winds his arms up around Jamie's broad middle, pulling him even closer if possible. He licks his way into Jamie's mouth, exploring every corner, every tooth, and every flavour he can find. He tastes fresh toothpaste and something so distinctly Jamie that it's easy to just whimper against his lips and bite down, asking for more.

Jamie fingers him open until Tyler's shaking, clawing at all the skin he can touch, his breath huffing across Jamie's lips because he can't hold still long enough to connect a kiss. "Tyler, please," Jamie begs, and Tyler just nods, surging up with all his concentration to kiss him, sure as he can.

Tyler shakes as Jamie presses into him -- it's not painful; it's a good stretch that leaves him aching for more, but it's just not moving fast enough. Jamie fucks like he does everything else, with his heart on his sleeve and complete dedication... With his eyes open, looking straight into Tyler like no one's ever wanted to look at him before.

He practically folds Tyler in half, wrapping his hands around Tyler's legs to stabilize them, and drives into him, over and again, until Tyler feels so fucked out and content it doesn't matter he came way too fast and can't get a grip on himself fast enough to stop Jamie from jerking off all over his stomach.

"I wanted to do that," Tyler pouts as he cleans up the mess on his body. Jamie just laughs, and shakes his head.

"Next time, Ty. We gotta shower before we go to school."

xvx

"I heard you had a bit of a mental break the other day," Andrew says as Tyler ambles into Fer for his usual Saturday morning coffee. 

"Yeah, he was real worried about you," Ryan adds, butting into their conversation (he's excused when he plants coffee in front of both Tyler and Andrew). 

"Fucking Jamie," Tyler rolls his eyes, but he knows Jamie cares. Hell, he knows Andrew cares, and that's just as good.

"How did the midterms go?" Andrew changes the topic, sensing Tyler's discomfort.

"They went fine. I was a bit stressed out, so I think that might've contributed to, uh, everything. I don't think I failed any of them though."

"That's good," Andrew tells him. "You're looking better than you were before midterms, anyway."

"Yeah, it was a whole lot of stressing out for nothing. I got them out of the way, and I got my big projects done, so it won't be that bad again until time for finals."

"I'm glad. Nugget doesn't take enough classes a semester to get stressed, right?" Andrew chides.

"I just don't let it get to me," Ryan rolls his eyes. Ryan's actually the calmest person Tyler has ever met. He's a bit envious. 

"I wish I had that option," Tyler rolls his eyes. 

"Sorry you can't be as chill as me," Ryan laughs.

"That's fine," Tyler snorts. "I'd have to smoke a /lot/ of weed to hit that level of chill."

"Maybe you should start," Ryan laughs, ducking as Andrew leans over to smack him.

"Seriously, stop corrupting the kids," Andrew groans.

"But I am a kid," Ryan rolls his eyes.

"Get back to work!"

"Fine," Ryan snorts. "See ya, Tyler."

Tyler gives a half wave as Ryan saunters his way back to the kitchen. "Right, so," Andrew gives a downright sadistic grin, "You want to tell me why Jamie's looked like he's ready to shit rainbows recently?"

"He's what?" Tyler asks, stunned. It doesn't keep the flush from his cheeks though, and Andrew nearly claps his hands in glee.

"You finally manned up and confessed your undying love to him, right?"

"No," Tyler defends himself quickly. "I'm still, uh, I'm working my way up to that."

"Right," Andrew grins even wider. "That means you let him stick his dick in you." 

"Oh my god!" Tyler buries his face in his hands, but he's laughing.

"I'm not wrong," Andrew is practically dancing in his seat. 

"Your face is wrong." Tyler knows a lame comeback when he hears one, but it doesn't stop it from slipping out. Andrew only laughs louder, which makes Tyler hide his face even more, but he's still laughing too. 

xvx

In between homework and organizing the next GSA event, Jamie finds the time to take Tyler out for a real date -- a fancy dinner in a harbour side restaurant, and a movie at the best theatre in town immediately after.

Tyler eats the most perfect steak he's ever had, watches another generic action movie, and makes out with Jamie sloppily in the front seat of the car for what feels like forever, watching the waves of the ocean crash against the beach.

Jamie takes him home that night, puts some country tunes on his stereo, and fucks Tyler slow and steady; he looks at Tyler the whole night like Tyler's the best thing he's ever had, and not just a convenient piece of ass. Tyler hopes he looks the same when he meets Jamie's eyes.

They fall asleep tangled in each other, wake up much the same way, and kiss each other to full alertness, until Jordie starts banging on the door and screams about how he's embarrassed to be related to Jamie, and that Jamie's going to be late for class.

Tyler walks out of the room to Jordie pouting outside Jamie's door. He honestly can't believe this is his life.

The next GSA event involves a trip to the local pool -- Tyler spends most of the night laughing as he watches strangers ogle Gabe from a safe distance, and immediately whisper to their friends the second Gabe is out of earshot. 

"You've got a fan club," Nate laughs, gesturing widely over Gabe's left shoulder to the group of girls, no older than sixteen, who are giggling and staring from across the pool. Gabe groans and dunks himself under the surface in response, which makes Nate laugh and follow him under.

"They're ridiculous," Jamie rolls his eyes from where he's loitering at the edge of the pool. "I mean, I think they should just get their shit together and date already."

"They should do a lot of things, but I get the feeling that dating isn't really what Nate wants out of this," Tyler frowns as he watches the two of them resurface, and the way Nate's eyes follow the line of Gabe's body as he hauls himself out of the water and toward the other pool. "He's just a kid, Jamie."

"Yeah?" Jamie rolls his eyes again. "Well so are you. Let's go to the hot tub," he says, ignoring Tyler's indignant expression. 

"You're not that much older than me, you know?" Tyler whines as he follows Jamie across the room to the hot tub that's hiding in the corner. It's empty, except for Elias and Eddie, who are whispering and pointing at people across the pool -- they immediately stop as Tyler and Jamie approach.

"How's it going?" Elias asks casually, as Jamie eyes both of them suspiciously.

"Good. What have you two been up to? Hiding here all night?"

"Yep," Eddie chirps happily, like he hasn't got a care in the world outside this hot tub. Tyler just settles to Eddie's left side and tries to see what they can from the corner, which turns out to be the group of girls who are not very successful at hiding how they're following Gabe around.

"Oh, you noticed it too?" He asks Eddie, who nods.

"They're like, twelve."

"Well, who knows, they could be older," Tyler shrugs. "You and Elias look like you're twelve too."

"Shut the fuck up. Also, Elias is twelve." That gets Elias' attention, who jerks around and stares at both Tyler and Eddie.

"Fuck you both."

"No thanks," Tyler says, the same time Jamie gives him an appalled look. 

"When and where?" Eddie asks; the face of disgust Elias makes is worth the pain of being smacked upside the head. 

"You okay?" Tyler asks Jamie as Eddie and Elias wind up in some sort of splashing match next to them in the hot tub. Jamie just nods, smiles, and pushes his nose into Tyler's neck.

"Yeah, I'm great."

xvx

At the last GSA meeting of the month, the final meet up before exam week, Jamie and Johnny organize a vote on the next month's events and when they are to be held. The group votes to only have one large event as opposed to two separate ones, since exams take up most of the month.

The large event is to be a dinner party, held in a rented dining hall the weekend before Christmas, for those students who do not have families to celebrate with, or who will be in town but not celebrating the weekend.

Everyone gives Val a glorious sendoff to Mother Russia, making him promise time and time again that he will return for the next semester. They wrap up the meeting early; Tyler and his friends head to the Devil's Lodge for burgers and milkshakes. 

"I can't believe it's practically December," Elias says, toeing the two centimeters of snow on the ground with his boot. "I mean, there's like, no snow here. And the semester's almost over."

"I doesn't snow much at all here," Jamie shrugs. "I don't remember any big snowfalls since I was like five."

"It doesn't feel like a real winter," Elias says, looking longing at the icy ground.

"Well I'm enjoying it," Eddie snorts, and Gabe nods in agreement. 

"Seriously," Gabe adds. "Is this your first winter without a real snowfall?" Elias nods, and Gabe laughs. "Enjoy it while you can, kid." 

They take their seats in their usual booth, order their usual items from the menu, and all crowd around Gabe as Eddie demands, "So, have you finally grown a pair and asked Nate out?" Gabe flushes, but shakes his head.

"He's not really interested, you know?"

"I don't know," Jamie says, frowning into his drink. "I always see you guys together, and as far as I know, he's not seeing anyone else."

"Neither is he," Elias volunteers what Gabe wouldn't say, and Gabe just slinks down in the booth like he's not sure what to say.

"He's still young," Gabe defends himself. "He's supposed to be out having fun. He's good for me, but I don't know if I'd be good for him too, you know?"

"He's supposed to do a lot of things, but have you asked him whether or not he even wants to just have some fun?"

"Yes," Gabe insists. "He doesn't want a relationship right now. Get out of my life," he swats at Eddie, who's conveniently seated next to him. 

They leave Gabe alone for the rest of the night, but as Tyler crawls into bed next to Jamie, he asks, "Do you think Gabe is happy with the way things are?"

"Of course he's not," Jamie sighs into his pillow, pulling Tyler close with an arm. 

"Can we do something about it?" Tyler asks.

"Sure," Jamie mumbles, already half asleep. As Jamie starts to snore, Tyler lies awake, feeling the steady beating of his heart and rush of his breath. He thinks about calling Nate in the morning.

**DECEMBER**

December begins with a Skype call from Brownie demanding attention, a sad reminder from his mom that his puppy, Marshall, has gotten considerably bigger since the last time he's been home, and his younger sisters, who still want nothing to do with him but say hello to appease their parents.

It also comes with breakfast at Fer with Nate. "You should get the pancakes. They're so fucking good," Tyler says before Jordan can even put the menus down on the table.

"You need a life," Jordan says, rolling his eyes. "What can I get you to drink?" He asks Nate, pointedly ignoring Tyler.

"Could I get an orange juice?"

"Sure," Jordan says, disappearing into the kitchen again.

"Are you going back to Halifax for Christmas?" Tyler asks.

"I want to," he says, and hesitates, "but I haven't got the money for a plane ticket and I don't think my parents want to see me much anyway."

"Why do you say that?" Tyler asks. "I'm sure your parents would love to see you." Nate shrugs; he looks like a surly teenager. Hell, he is surly teenager.

"I didn't play hockey," Nate says quietly. "I was supposed to be good, or something, I don't know. It wasn't what I wanted to do with my life. I used to be an asshole, when I was in high school -- I used to think I was hot shit. Then I graduated and I realized the high school hierarchy isn't valid in real life and you have to work for what you want. I didn't want hockey."

"Nate, my mom, she isn't very happy with all the decisions I've made. I don't think she's very proud of me either, but she's still my mom and she still wants me home for Christmas. I chose to stay." 

"I guess," Nate mumbles. 

Andrew shows up with their drinks and food then, pulling a chair up for himself after plopping the cups down. "Morning Tyler. Who's your friend?"

"This is Nate," Tyler says, raising his eyebrows.

"Oh, you're Nate," Andrew says. "I'm Andrew; nice to meet you." Nate takes the handshake tentatively.

"Uh," he looks helplessly at Tyler, "Should I ask why he knows me?"

"Gabe doesn't shut up about you," Andrew tells him, leaning back on his chair so he can snag a coffee from Ryan's hands as he walks past. 

"He's not that bad," Nate defends him automatically. "I mean, what is there to talk about?" He looks at Tyler, wide-eyed and innocent, and Tyler just sighs.

"You have so much to learn, kid." Andrew takes one look at Tyler's serious face and huffs out a breath of laughter.

"You aren't exactly old and wise," he punches Tyler playfully in the arm. "Getting ready for exams, guys?"

"I guess so," Nate sighs, staring woefully at his bookbag lying at his feet. "I don't think I've ever been so unprepared for exams in my life."

"Tell me about it," Tyler groans.

"It gets better," Andrew assures them both. "So Nate, I overheard you saying earlier that you aren't going home for Christmas. Do you have any plans?"

"Not really," Nate shrugs. "The GSA is having a big dinner party, so I'm going to go to that obviously, but I'll probably just sleep in and eat Chinese take-out on Christmas."

"You should come over," Tyler says. I think we're having a few guys over since most of us aren't from around here."

"That sounds like fun. I'll probably stop by," Nate says softly.

"Are you going back to Quebec?" Tyler asks Andrew.

"I have to," he says almost sadly. "Patrice can't get the time off work right now, but he said he'll be over in the spring, so I'll just have to look forward to that."

"That's Andrew's boyfriend," Tyler informs Gabe. "I still have my doubts that he's real. I've never seen a picture of the guy."

"Oh, for fuck's sake," Andrew rolls his eyes, and pulls out his phone to show them a photo. "This is Patrice."

"I still don't think he's real," Ryan says, leaning over Andrew's shoulder as he walks by again. "Seriously, why haven't we met him?"

"Go back to work!" Andrew sighs.

"Maybe you should come help us!" Jordan chimes in, running past with a pile of plates in his hand.

"Oh, Christ, don't run with-" Almost as if on cue, Jordan trips over his feet, falls through the doorway to the kitchen, and though not in view, the sound of smashing dishes can be heard.

"Shit," Ryan laughs, backing away from their table. "See you later Tyler," he calls, jogging into the back to help Jordan clean up.

"Right, well, it was nice to meet you," Andrew says to Nate, taking a deep breath. "I guess I should make sure Jordan's still alive."

As Andrew steps away from the table, Nate glances warily at Tyler. "Are they always like this?"

"Er, usually there's less broken dishes I think," Tyler shrugs. "They're all pretty energetic, like, all the time though. And Andrew's great, really. He's helped me out a lot since I've been here. And he feeds me."

"I see that," Nate says, mildly amused. "So, uh, does Gabe really talk about me all the time?" He asks shyly, quickly shoving a bite of food into his mouth after like he regrets asking at all. 

"Pretty much, yeah," Tyler says, wrapping his hands securely around his coffee. "He says you're good for him."

"He's good for me too," Nate says, still hiding behind his fork (which isn't very successful, let's be honest). 

"That's funny, since he doesn't seem so sure about that."

"What do you mean?" Nate asks, startled.

"I mean he mentioned that you were good for him, but he's not so sure if he'd be good for you, in those words, more or less."

"Did he really?" Nate seems genuinely surprised, and Tyler frowns at his coffee.

"Yeah. Has he never told you?"

"No, I mean," Nate drops his fork, "I just kind of assumed he didn't want anything to do with me. I'm just a kid, and he's, well, he's..." Nate groans and throws his head back in frustration. "He's perfect."

"He's just Gabe," Tyler shrugs, and Nate drops his head into his hands.

"Easy enough for you to say, you're not sleeping with him." Suddenly, Nate looks up at Tyler, wide-eyed. "I mean, he told you, we're, uh, did he say-"

"Yeah, we know," Tyler gives Nate a half smile, reaching across the table to pat his cheek affectionately. "He likes you a lot, Nate. He really does."

"Oh." 

"Well jeez, you could sound a little bit more enthused," Tyler laughs.

"Well, I know he likes me," Nate shrugs. "We're, well, you know."

"Yeah, I know," Tyler rolls his eyes. "But seriously dude; you guys are idiots. Get your shit together."

"Right," Nate says, taking a deep breath like he's trying to formulate a plan in his head. He drains the rest of his orange juice in a steady gulp, and places the glass down on the table. "I should do something about that today."

"Good," Tyler smiles, feeling accomplished. 

"Let's get out of here," Nate says, grabbing his coat.

"I meant what I said earlier," Tyler says as he and Nate head their separate ways. "You're welcome to join us for Christmas, or stop by anytime. We're usually around."

"Thanks," Nate says, and gives Tyler a shy wave goodbye before heading off to his bus stop.

xvx

"Jesus Christ, are you guys ever not studying?" Jordie asks as he walks into the living room, fully expecting to find Jamie and Tyler making out on the couch -- instead, they're on opposite ends, noses pushed into textbooks. 

"It's exam time," Jamie says around the pen in his mouth.

"Stop chewing your things; you're not a dog," Jordie says dilligently like the responsible older brother he is, plucking the pen out from between Jamie's teeth.

"Hey! I was using that."

"As what, a chew toy? You've got another pen in your hand." Jordie tosses Jamie's pen across the room and sighs dramatically at Tyler. "I don't get what you see in him."

"Me neither," Tyler agrees, but nudges Jamie lightly with his foot. "We should take a break anyway -- I'm starving."

"Did you want to cook?"

"No, I'm lazy and there's an awesome Thai place down the street that we can call for take out."

"Sounds good," Jamie says, closing his books. 

"On that note, I'm going out," Jordie rolls his eyes. Jamie and Tyler pointedly ignore him.

The exams go well, so to speak. None of their group fail any classes, and they all make it out of the semester with acceptable grades. "We need to celebrate," Eddie declares, bouncing on his toes as he closes his laptop. "We don't have school until January -- this is time to celebrate!"

"Let's go out tonight," Elias grins toothily, and thus it was decided. 

Tyler used to go out a lot in Boston; he'd put on a nice button up shirt and this pair of jeans with a hole in the thigh that Brad said made his ass look amazing, and he'd drink his body weight in alcohol and piss away every last penny of his student loan. 

Tonight though, he ends up in the corner of a packed club; obviously they aren't the only students out to celebrate the end of the semester. The PA is blasting some sort of obnoxious pop song, and Tyler just isn't into it anymore. He sips his beer and watches Nate and Gabe pressing up close to each other, whispering (yelling) in each others' ears.

He sees Elias lead a girl off to the dance floor, and Eddie making friends with a guy in a Fred Perry shirt. Johnny and Patrick are off in the corner. Johnny has his signature scowl on, but smiles when Patrick points out to the dance floor -- when Patrick drags Johnny out, Tyler stifles a giggle at his ridiculous moves.

"Hey," Jamie comes up behind Tyler, leaning casually against him. "You wanna get out of here? You look a bit uncomfortable."

"Yeah, this isn't really my scene anymore, y'know?"

"Yeah," Jamie smiles. "It's never really been mine."

They go back to Jamie's house and curl up on the couch together. "You know, this semester was kind of awesome," Tyler says to Jamie's chest as they flip through the Netflix options. 

"Yeah?" Jamie smiles, looking down at him. "Why do you say that?"

"Well," Tyler grins, "I got an awesome roommate, a new best friend who's absolutely fucking gorgeous inside and out, a good group of friends, good grades for the first time in my life, and the best boyfriend who gets that sometimes it isn't where you were, but where you're going."

"You're only going up from here," Jamie smiles, ruffling Tyler's hair. 

"Really?" Tyler grins cheekily as he slinks down the couch. "Because I was thinking of going down on you."

Jamie's ridiculous laughter doesn't stop Tyler from taking his dick out of his pants, right there on the couch. 

What Jordie doesn't know won't kill him.

xvx

The Christmas party is already in full swing when Tyler and Gabe make it there. Nate is waiting by the door like a lost puppy, whining and attaching himself to Gabe's arm the second they walk through the door. He's wearing a Christmas sweater with a reindeer on the front, red and green, colours opposite from the matching sweater that Gabe is wearing. They're adorable.

Jamie's wearing antlers on his head; he drops a Santa hat on Tyler's head the minute he's seen. "Hey," he says, getting Tyler with a quick kiss.

"Food?" Tyler asks, because he's a terrible boyfriend, and a hungry human.

Jamie just laughs and leads him over to the table where the food is laid out. "I want to take you out again soon," Jamie says lowly as Tyler fills his plate. "We've been so busy with school lately, but I do want to do something."

How about the weekend after Christmas?"

"Would you like to spend it in Vancouver?" Jamie asks as they sit down at a table with Johnny and Patrick. "We can go over for the weekend; stay in a hotel, and just hang out, you know?"

"Without Jordie around?" Tyler asks around a mouthful of potatoes.

"Definitely without Jordie around," Jamie confirms. 

"That sounds nice," Tyler says absentmindedly. "These potatoes are fucking orgasmic." Jamie laughs.

"Maybe I should ask you again when you're done eating."

"No, I was listening," Tyler says, putting down his fork. "I'm into spending a weekend with you anywhere, and if you want to go to Vancouver, that's fine with me."

"Maybe we can go to another Canucks game," Jamie suggests.

"That sounds like a good time," Tyler says, picking up his fork again. He reaches for Jamie with his free hand, tangling their fingers together.

"But let me take you out sometime too, okay?"

"Okay," Jamie agrees, and untangles their fingers so he can grab another plate of food.

There's some sort of raffle that Johnny hosts with the proceeds going to a local charity, and a lot of smiles, hugs, gift exchanges, and a secret santa that ends up with Tyler bringing home a brand new frying pan. 

"What did you get from the gift exchange?" Tyler asks Gabe, swinging his frying pan around mindlessly.

"This," Gabe laughs, holding up a rainbow scarf.

"You better wear that," Eddie says, hopping up behind them. "I mean, it looks great on you."

Gabe shrugs, and slips the scarf around his neck before they step outside and head home.

"You kids want a ride?" Jamie asks, tossing the last of the garbage into the bin and locking the door of the rented hall behind him. 

"Sure," Gabe says, grabbing Elias by the sleeve as he was about to wander into traffic. "I think Elias needs to go to bed."

"I'm fine, just-" he devolves into Swedish; Gabe and Eddie crack up while Tyler and Jamie share equally confused looks.

"Right, well, I parked down there," Jamie sighs, letting them pile into the car. Tyler takes his spot in the front, fiddling with the radio until he finds a classic rock station that isn't playing Christmas tunes. 

"You gonna stay?" He asks Jamie as they get into the apartment. Jamie shrugs.

"Your bed's really small."

"Can we sleep in the living room again?" Eddie asks in a small voice.

"You guys slept together in the living room?" Jamie asks, confused.

"We all did," Gabe laughs. "We build the best forts."

"Seriously, these guys are insane, but they do build the best," Tyler agrees. "You guys have more blankets," he adds.

Elias nods enthusiastically. "I just got a new chair too, so we can add to it -- we can build it like last time, but bigger, and you can bring your blankets and chairs and pillows over too."

"They take their forts seriously," Tyler explains to Jamie, who shrugs.

"Sure, let's build a fort."

The fort turns out to be huge; it spans the entire room, and includes the TV though none of them can be bothered to turn it on. Tyler and Jamie curl up in one corner together while the Swedes all sprawl out around them.

"One rule: no sex in the fort," Elias declares, which makes everyone laugh.

"Damn," Eddie grins, reaching jokingly for Elias. "I guess we'll have to go elsewhere then."

"I'm straight," Elias says long-sufferingly. 

"Right, and I'm a princess," Gabe laughs, but they settle after that, curling into their blankets until the room is just the darkness of blankets, softness of pillows, and soft snores.

xvx

Christmas itself is a quiet affair; Nate shows up with a pile of gifts precariously balanced in his arms, and Jamie follows not too long after, except he's actually smart enough to put his presents for the group in various reuseable shopping bags.

Gabe and Elias bring over so many dishes full of Swedish food that they take four trips and run out of room on the table and end up leaving half of it in the kitchen. "We're going to be eating leftovers for months," Tyler groans after the meal.

They're all curled up in the fort, which they never dismantled, and had been sleeping in since the party the past weekend. 

"That was great," Nate grunts from where he's wrapped around Gabe in the corner. "I mean, I don't know why you never cooked for me before."

"You never asked, Gabe says quietly." Jamie, Eddie, and Elias are engaged in some video game related conversation Tyler doesn't get, so he ends up kind of creepily watching Gabe run his fingers through Nate's hair and scrape his fingers across his chest. 

"Hey, no sex in the fort!" Elias reminds Gabe, tossing a cushion at Nate's back. Nate makes an indignant squawking noise, but pulls away from Gabe, ignoring the pout. 

"Maybe we should go," Nate says quietly; Tyler's sure it wasn't meant for his ears.

"If you want," Gabe answers lowly, his tongue swiping at his lips.

"Just go!" Tyler laughs, shaking his head. "Go, before we kick you out of here."

"You wouldn't dare," Gabe sets a steely glare at him.

"Watch me," Tyler glares right back.

"Right, Nate, Gabe, out," Eddie demands flatly, breaking the eye contact between Gabe and Tyler. "Go fuck in Gabe's room."

"What-"

"We all know you're going to," Elias drawls, "and rule number one says no sex in the fort."

"You guys suck," Gabe laughs, letting Nate pull him to his feet and out from the layers of blanket surrounding them. "You'll regret exiling me one day!"

"It's only a temporary exile," Eddie calls after Gabe's retreating back.

"Besides, didn't he make that rule?" Eddie laughs. Tyler shrugs, because he wasn't there for the conception of fort rules.

"You guys are hilarious," Jamie says dryly, nuzzling into the back of Tyler's neck -- they're spooning on the edge of the fort, watching Eddie and Elias argue over who has the rights to the soft purple pillow between them.

"You just say that because you have no friends," Tyler jokes. He feels Jamie tense up behind him, and frowns, twisting around so they're face to face. "Jamie, don't look at me like that."

"You're right though," Jamie mutters. "I know a lot of people, but I don't really have friends."

"You have Johnny, and Patrick-"

"Who spend all their time together."

"You have me-"

"You're my boyfriend."

"You have Jordie-"

"He's my brother. He's morally obligated to like me."

"And you have Val!"

"He's Russian. I don't think he understands half the shit I say."

"Jamie," Tyler sighs. "Just because Jordie's your brother, or I'm your boyfriend, or Patrick and Johnny are fucking, it doesn't make us any less your friends, right?"

"I guess?" Jamie says, but he's quiet, like he doesn't see it.

"C'mon," Tyler says, and pulls Jamie out of the fort before Eddie and Elias can kick them out too. "We're going to stay in my too-small bed tonight, and I'm going to tell you every amazing thing I can think of about you until we fall asleep."

"Tyler, I don't-"

"Just let me do this for you," Tyler says quietly when they curl up under the blanket that remains on Tyler's bed. "You're so good to me, always, even with all the fucked up shit I've been through, and I just... I just want to be good to you too."

"You're always good to me," Jamie says, but he rests his head on Tyler's chest, and lets Tyler whisper encouraging words into his ears until they doze off.

xvx

Jamie rents a four-star hotel room in Vancouver for the last weekend of the year. He and Tyler catch an early afternoon ferry over and spend the day browsing shops downtown.

In the evening, they watch the Canucks play the Stars from glass seats and cheer every time the crowd roars to life -- the Canucks win 3-2, and the entire city feels in good spirits when they drift from the arena. 

They meet a few guys from the area and follow them to a bar where they drink a few beers shy of too many, and stumble back to the hotel, giggling about nothing at all.

"You're so fucking gorgeous, you know that?" Jamie bites at Tyler's ear as they struggle out of their clothes.

"Me? You, fuck-" Tyler pushes Jamie down onto the bed.

"Yeah," Jamie huffs, pulling Tyler down on top of him.

The night only blurs from there.

Tyler wakes up in the morning with Jamie lying over him like an overweight blanket. "Ugh," he grunts. He's hungover, naked, and he's pretty sure there's dried semen on his stomach.

"Ty?" Jamie cracks one eye halfway open, sees that Tyler is awake, and closes it again. 

"Oh come on," Tyler sighs, poking at Jamie's side until he rolls off Tyler. "This is a huge bed. I don't get why you insist on sleeping on top of me." Jamie lets out a grunt of acknowledgment without an answer, and Tyler sighs, crawling out of bed. "Right. Well I'm going to take a shower, if you want to join me."

"I'm up," Jamie says into the pillow. Tyler fully expects him to fall asleep immediately after he gets into the shower.

Jamie doesn't. He surprises Tyler, winding his arms around Tyler's waist until they're pressed flush together, chest to back. 

"Hi," Tyler smiles, letting Jamie continue rubbing the shampoo into his hair as he drops his hands to his side.

"Hi yourself," Jamie mumbles. He still sounds half asleep, but his fingers feel good massaging Tyler's scalp, so he doesn't complain. "What did you want to do today?"

"Anything you want," Tyler says, rinsing the shampoo from his hair and pulling Jamie in for a kiss under the water. 

Anything Jamie wants apparently means wandering around shopping malls and looking at clothes -- whatever, Tyler's not going to judge him, since he's not exactly opposed to it either.

Neither of them have much money to spend, but they buy useless things they don't need for each other anyway; Tyler picks up a shirt that looks amazing on Jamie, and in return he gets a pair of jeans that has Jamie gawking at his ass.

Tyler's at a large electronics retailer downtown wondering whether he really needs to spend $80 on new headphones when he hears a familiar voice call his name.

"Tyler? Is that you?"

"Shit," he swears under his breath, looking around for Jamie, who's nowhere to be seen and probably on the other floor. Tyler swears under his breath again.

"Brad, hey. What are you doing in Vancouver?" He can barely keep the tremor from his voice; his palms are starting to sweat. He's nervous.

"I could ask you the same thing," Brad grins widely. "I'm going to school here in the Spring. I just moved into my new apartment."

"Good for you," Tyler says stiffly. "I, uh, I'm going to school near here too."

"That's good! We should hang out," Brad says cheerily. "I know we left on bad terms, but I'd really like to spend some time-" he steps talking as from the corner of his eye, Tyler sees Jamie walk up.

"Ready to go, Ty?"

"Yeah." Tyler mumbles, scrambling to turn around.

"Oh, who's this Tyler? You aren't going to introduce an old friend?" Brad interrupts.

"This is Brad," Tyler says through gritted teeth. He can see Jamie wants to grab him; he can see that Jamie wants to tell him to leave. Hell, Tyler wants to turn around and walk away, but his feet are rooted to the spot. He can't move. "Brad, this is Jamie."

"Nice to meet you," Brad says, and he has the audacity to shake Jamie's hand. Jamie does, but he looks at Brad like he's the scum of the earth and then looks at his hand like he wants to set it on fire. Tyler appreciates his boyfriend. "Did you know Tyler's a faggot?"

Tyler's teeth clench so fast he almost bites his tongue off.

"Let's go," Jamie says, and before he can turn around, he's being pushed out the door. 

"Fine, leave," Brad calls from a few feet away. "It's fine. He'll leave you anyway. They always do. And when he does, you'll know where to find me."

Tyler sits on a park bench for nearly an hour, just trying to remember he knows how to breathe. Jamie lets Tyler lean against his shoulder, and rubs his back until he stops hyperventilating.

"You deserve better," Jamie says, and neither of them say anything else until the sun starts to drop behind the buildings.

"Sorry I ruined our weekend," Tyler says. He wants to look as small as he feels, like a rodent under Jamie's heavy foot.

"Tyler, no." Jamie threads their fingers together and leads them back to the hotel. "I had an awesome weekend, and I don't want you to blame yourself for what happened today. You had no idea he was here, and obviously you guys didn't plan to run into each other."

"I know, but-"

"I don't want to hear that but," Jamie nudges Tyler back into the hotel room. "I want you to know that you're better than that piece of shit deserves to ever have, whether you believe it or not."

"I think I'm starting to get that now, yeah," Tyler says.

"Good," Jamie says. He pauses, taking off his jacket and pants and crawling into the bed, tucking Tyler in next to him. "Have you ever talked to someone about what happened? About how you're feeling?"

"Well I talked to you, and Andrew, and Gabe," Tyler says defensively.

"I'm not saying you have to," Jamie says, soothing Tyler best he can with his hands running restlessly over Tyler's body, "but there are professionals out there who can help you out and give unbiased opinions as to what you can do about this."

"I know," Tyler says, snuggling closer to Jamie. "I'd like to, but I just, I don't think I could talk to a stranger like that, you know?" 

"Yeah," Jamie cards his fingers through Tyler's hair and kisses him on the top of his head. "I know."

xvx

Tyler hears from Brad again on New Years Eve. It's nothing fancy; just a text message from an unknown number in his inbox that says: 'come over for new years'

When Tyler denies, he gets a message in response that says 'I wasn't asking'. 

'I'm in Victoria' Tyler tells him.

'I'll go there. What's your address?'

Tyler does't know why he sends it, but he regrets it the moment he does. He sinks into his couch, and wishes that Jamie isn't out with Jordie, and that Eddie isn't out with Elias.

Actually.

Gabe's probably home.

Tyler goes and knocks insistently on Gabe's door until he answers; he drags Gabe outside by the arm and says, "We're going to Fer."

"What, why, okay jeez, let me get a jacket," Gabe sputters, and they go to Fer to see Andrew.

"Brad's here," Tyler tells them after they're all seated around a table. Andrew nearly spits out his coffee, and Gabe chokes on his tongue.

"What."

"I ran into him in Vancouver when I was shopping with Jamie," Tyler mumbles.

"Oh."

"Yeah. He's going to school in Vancouver. He asked what I was doing for New Years and said he was coming here."

"Well it's a good thing he doesn't know where you live," Andrew says, and Tyler frowns at his mug.

"I might've told him."

"Why the fuck did you do that?" Gabe groans.

"He asked," Tyler sighs. "I don't... I don't know how to say no."

"You're ridiculous," Gabe sighs. "Just... Stay at Jamie's for a while."

"But then he's going to show up, and he's going to bother Eddie. Guys, I don't want him to meet Eddie. Or anyone, but definitely not Eddie."

"Then get Jamie to stay at yours for a while. Hell, we'll all go there," Gabe says vehemently, angrily slamming his cup onto the table. "If we can round up a few people-"

"I can have a New Years party," Tyler says quickly. "You guys are all welcome."

"I have a Skype date," Andrew says wistfully. "Look, if you run into trouble, I'll give you my address and phone number. Just come over, alright?"

"I'll be fine," Tyler says, but accepts the address anyway, pocketing it for later. 

"You know if anything happens -- if this guy gets aggressive, we've got your back?"

"Yeah," Tyler smiles brightly at Andrew and Gabe. "Yeah, I know. I love you guys."

"Don't get sappy now. Do it after we've buried the body," Gabe groans. "I can't believe he's here."

"I think Dougie must've told him where I was," Tyler sighs.

"Well, it could be worse," Gabe says. 

"True," Andrew squeezes Tyler's shoulder before he goes back to the kitchen. "You've been through worse. You'll be fine." 

"Yeah," Tyler gives him a weak smile. "I will be."

xvx

The apartment is full by the time the clock hits six. Dinner is a variety of take-out boxes scattered across the table and doled out onto separate plates, and a lone pepperoni pizza that's missing a few slices from each side. From the right angle, it looks like a meat and cheese flower.

Nate and Gabe have staked out the video games, yelling increasingly louder with every match. Eddie and Elias are chatting quietly in the corner about Sweden and their families at home. Ryan and Jordan are chasing each other in circles with ice cubes while Johnny and Patrick duke it out with pillows. Jamie drapes himself around Tyler's shoulders as Jordie inhales food nearby.

They're being careful; they don't want to get drunk in case something happens. Tyler's working on his first beer, sipping it slowly, enjoying the flavour. It's a local beer, from the brewery downtown that Jamie recommended.

The phone buzzes; Eddie lets them in without checking. Tyler knows it's Brad before the knock sounds, because he's the only one who isn't here. He's the only one who invited himself.

Jamie squeezes his shoulder, and by some fluke, is temporarily distracted by Elias accidentally flipping over his plate, leaving Tyler to answer the door alone.

"Hey, you didn't tell me you were having a party," Brad accuses, stepping into the threshhold before Tyler can get a word in edgewise.

"I didn't realize you were invited," Jamie butts in, sliding his arm around Tyler's waiste like an anchor trying to keep Tyler ashore. Brad looks surprised to see him there; he keeps looking at Jamie's arm, loosely wrapped around Tyler. He isn't good at subtlety.

Tyler doesn't introduce Brad to anybody, which is probably for the better since Brad doesn't try to socialize anyway. Instead, he follows Tyler and Jamie to the table, and helps himself to their food. 

He jumps at his chance when Jamie is dragged off by Johnny to curb some sort of argument between him and Patrick. "So, Tyler, is that your new boyfriend?"

"Yeah."

"What the hell do you like about that fat sack of shit?" Tyler wants to say a lot of things, bue his tongue feels heavy in his mouth; he's never been very good at talking, but he's always been worse at it around Brad. "Oh, you probably couldn't do better, but really, you don't need to stoop to that level," Brad continues.

Tyler punches him in the face.

He's never been particularly good at fighting either, but Jordie's right there to help Tyler catch the fist that comes flying back. 

"What the fuck are you assaulting me for?" Brad yells, his voice echoing over the music. Heads turn. Everyone's watching. "You're a pathetic little fag, aren't you? Can't even fight your own fights," he says when Jordie refuses to let him go. "Why don't you buy a gun and go blow your brains out? Oh yeah, you haven't got the fucking balls to do it."

"I'm pretty sure I have balls," Tyler snaps back suddenly. "You seemed to think so when they were in your mouth."

Brad comes forwrad swinging, but Jordie pulls him back easily. "Look, buddy. You're going to have to go."

"No, I don't," Brad snorts. "Tyler, tell this guy to let go of me."

"Why?" Tyler asks, baffled. "You invited yourself into my home and then badmouth me and my boyfriend in the same breath. You can go."

Jordie leads Brad to the door, but at the last second, Brad rips his wrists from Jordie's grip and lunges at Tyler. "You ruined my fucking life, you cunt. You ruined it! You fucking-"

"I didn't do anything," Tyler sneers, ripping Brad from him after a brief tussle, and tossing him into the hall. "I ruined my own life, and you know what? I fixed it too. The only one who ruined your life was you. Now get the fuck out."

Brad holds Tyler's glare with icy eyes in return until the door slams shut in his face.

Tyler's whole body shakes like an earthquake; he leans heavily against Jamie's side and tries to breathe. Jordie leaves them alone, and Jamie stands in front of Tyler, shielding his body from the curious eyes in the apartment; Jamie holds him upright, and once Tyler figures out how to use his legs again, leads him into the bedroom.

"Hey, come on, don't look at me like that," Tyler groans, trying to avoid Jamie's doe eyes that won't look away from him.

"Tyler, that was good, god, that was so good," Jamie mumbles, pushing his face into Tyler's neck, and Tyler just blushes, because of all things Jamie could have said, he wasn't expecting that.

"Thanks."

"Do you feel better?"

"I feel okay," Tyler says truthfully. "I don't know about better, but I think I'll get there."

"Me too," Jamie says softly. "Now come on, it's almost midnight."

Tyler snags him and Jamie beers from the fridge and they all pile into the living room in front of the TV to watch the ball drop in NYC. They can hear the people in apartments around them shouting, counting down. They shout too.

"Ten!"

Nate grabs a bottle of champagne from the counter, and tosses the other one at Johnny. Jordie comes running out of the bathroom and drops unceremoniously onto Elias' lap.

"Nine!"

Elias shoves Jordie to the floor next to where Jordan and Ryan have settled-- he knocks over Patrick, who goes down giggling, pulling Johnny down with them.

"Eight!"

Jamie and Tyler are squished together on the couch with Eddie and Elias; Jamie has his fingers threaded securely through Tyler's, and Tyler has his leg hooked over Jamie's.

"Seven!"

Eddie cracks open two beers with his teeth and hands one to Jordie, who's still sitting at Elias' feet. Jordan pulls Ryan up and they move across the room. "Wish Taylor were here," Ryan mutters quietly.

"We'll call him later," Jordan says.

"Six!"

Johnny's fingers are starting to casually creep their way up past the hem of Patrick's t-shirt. Gabe and Nate are off in their own little world, gazing into each other's eyes. Tyler crawls into Jamie's lap.

"Five!"

Jordie leans over lazily to shut off the stereo which had been buzzing in the background.

"Four!"

Eddie somehow spills half his beer on Elias, who yelps and nearly kicks Jordie in the face.

"Three!"

Jamie's breath stutters, and Tyler blushes when he feels Jamie's grip tighten on his fingers.

"Two!"

Jamie leans in close; they press their foreheads together. 

"One!" 

The champagne explodes.

"Happy new year," Jamie whispers lowly; around them, their friends hoot and holler, knock their beers together, and kiss.

Jamie leans in, and breathes against Tyler's lips. "I love you."

"I love you too," Tyler says, pushing their lips together before he can think too hard about what he just said.

**JANUARY**

Val gets home on a Saturday. Jamie and Tyler pick him up from the airport -- he's got a big suitcase and a duffle bag of hockey gear. He babbles for a long time about pond hockey and the in between.

They go to Fer once they drop his things off. "Are you excited for next semester?" Andrew asks them as they dig into their food.

"Yeah, I guess so," Tyler says. "I mean, I'm not excited for microeconomics, but I have to take it."

"I took that class. If you have a good teacher, you won't even need the textbook," Jamie says. "How was your Skype date?"

"It was good," Andrew grins. "I miss him, definitely. I was planning to visit, but I think he's coming to Victoria in May so I figured we'd just hold out until then. I can't really afford to close Fer down that long anyway, since these kids all need work and there's a lot of people who eat here regularly."

"That's good you have that customer base," Jamie comments, and they make small talk about the business side of things until Andrew kicks them out to close up shop.

The first week of school comes and goes without incident, and the first GSA meeting of the semester follows in the same fashion. Jamie gives his welcome spiel to the three new kids that showed up -- Brandon, Andrew, and the other Brandon. They also brainstorm events for January.

The final verdict, according to Jamie and Johnny, are a video game tournament to be hosted at Slapshot since they allow people to rent the big screen up front, and an indoor ball hockey game at the local rec centre -- both indoor activities to counteract the winter.

Tyler goes to his classes; he studies with the Swedes, builds, dismantles, and rebuilds the blanket fort, eats too much food at Fer, attends the GSA meetings, and in between, spends most nights curled up in Jamie's bed.

January flies by in a healthy balance of social life, school, and food. Gabe and Nate take home $20 Tim Hortons gift cards from the video game tournament; Tyler takes home a tired Jamie and a bruised ego.

Fortunately, Tyler, Johnny, and the Swedes make up the best ball hockey team Victoria has ever seen, and they hand Jamie, Patrick, Gabe, Nate, and company their asses so it's a small Victory. 

In fact, January prattles along so smoothly that Tyler completely forgets his birthday is approaching until a week before the end of the month, a card from his family arrives in the mail. 

Tyler doesn't want to do anything, but Jamie insists on rounding up a few friends that weekend and having a few drinks at Slapshot. "It doesn't even have to be a party; we're just going out that night," Jamie teases, and Tyler blushes, and thanks him with an impromptu blowjob.

Jamie takes Tyler out to a restaurant that's a bit classier than burgers at the Devil's Lodge, and they spend the night eating pasta with their fingers entwined under the table.

Afterward, at Slapshot, they toast to the past year, and positive changes. "You guys are the best," Tyler says when he puts down his beer. "I know I don't say that enough," he looks around at Gabe, Nate, Jamie, Elias, and Eddie. "But I love you guys."

"We love you too," Gabe laughs, throwing the arm that isn't holding his beer around Tyler's shoulder. "Now I'm going to get you a muff diver, and you can't say no."

**FEBRUARY**

Tyler wishes the beginning of February went as smoothly as January. Right off the bat, he studies his heart out and still barely passes two of his five midterms; he's taking five classes this semester, a full course load, and all of them are pushing down on him like the burden he never asked for.

On top of that, his bank account looks sadly depleted and his frantic job hunt returns nothing. It's tax season, so Jamie's at his office job every day he's not in class, and in between he's either sleeping, eating, rushing to class, or studying.

Tyler ends up begging Andrew to hire him on, and he's thankful that Andrew takes pity on him and lets him do some menial accounting tasks every Saturday when Tyler's usually at Fer anyway. The minimal income isn't sustainable though, and he keeps looking.

The GSA starts a campaign to raise money for the local children's hospital, spearheaded by a very determined Johnny and Patrick who seem to be competing to see who can recruit the most volunteers and raise the most money. 

Tyler bakes a billion cookies for the bake sale to justify missing two GSA meetings and the entire fundraising process, since he's so busy with school. He takes a break to plan a half-decent date for Valentines, a welcome break in his frantic life. 

Jamie kicks Jordie out of the house for the night; he and Tyler make dinner together. It's nothing fancy, a bit of grilled chicken, rice and a huge salad, along with an apple pie for dessert. 

Tyler gives Jamie a shiny silver chain that looks great around his neck, and in return receives an absolutely gorgeous tie, tie clip, and cuff links from a blushing, stuttering boyfriend.

That night, they curl up together in Jamie's bed, their books hiding in the corner safely tucked out of sight -- out of mind. Jamie puts on a dumb chick flick for background noise, and lets Tyler kiss him until they can't feel their faces.

The next morning, they wake up, make pancakes for breakfast after a lengthy shower together, and fall back into their fluid life of studying, friends, and more studying.

xvx

There's enough snow on the ground to go sledding like a bunch of five year olds one weekend at the end of February. Gabe, Tyler, Elias and Eddie round up their jackets and mittens and head out for the golf course.

They find a quiet hill where they use their carpet sleds from Target until Elias crashes into a tree and Eddie crashes into him -- they call it a day after that. It's still early afternoon, so they leave the sleds behind for some kids that show up with their parents, and wander into Fer for a late lunch.

"You guys look cold," Jordan says when they walk through the door.

"We went sledding!" Eddie says cheerfully. "Oh man, I want hot chocolate."

"I always want hot chocolate," Gabe laughs.

They take over a table and Andrew joins them not too long after they get their food and drinks. "I heard you went sledding. Was it fun? It barely ever snows enough here to do that."

"It was great," Elias laughs. "It reminded me of growing up in Sweden. I hadn't been sledding in so long that I forgot how fun it could be."

They sit in Fer and talk about nothing for a long time, but eventually, they all retreat back to the apartments to study for their upcoming midterms. 

Like January, February goes fast.

**MARCH**

Tyler's classes slow down at the beginning of March, just in time for the WHL playoffs to begin. The first GSA event of the month has a large group of them crowding the stands at one of the first playoff games against the Spokane Chiefs.

Jamie holds Tyler's hand the entire night, and stays close to his side. They're just leaving the arena, heading to the car when Tyler hears his name. He stiffens, because he knows the voice.

By now, Jamie knows the voice too, and the grip on Tyler's hand is tight -- tighter than it should be. Brad is there, standing behind a slow-moving crowd. And Tyler should really just leave, just keep walking, like Jamie wants to do, but it's Brad -- and he just, he stops and waits.

"What do you want?" Jamie asks, because Tyler temporarily loses his tongue every time Brad's nearby.

"I want to apologize," Brad says quickly, averting their eyes. "To both of you. I shouldn't have crashed your New Years party like that; I was still angry about everything that happened in Boston, and it was wrong.

"I shouldn't have tried to track you down after you left, and I..." He sucks in a deep breath. "I shouldn't have acted like I did to you in the first place."

"Who's paying you to say this shit?" Tyler snaps once he finds his tongue again.

"No one, okay?" Brad sighs. "I fucked up. I know I did. I get it."

"Okay," Tyler stares at him. It's a total 180 from where he was when he closed the door in Brad's face on New Year's Eve, and Tyler just doesn't need this right now.

"I've been seeing a therapist," Brad blurts out, and Tyler nods slowly.

"Good job?"

"No, I mean, it's really helped me understand what I've been feeling -- what you may have been feeling, and-"

"Did your therapist make you do this?"

"No," Brad says quickly. "I just saw you and I thought I'd say something."

"Well you've said something," Jamie says, nudging Tyler lightly. "Come on, Ty. Let's go home."

"That's... Yeah," Brad looks absolutely crestfallen as they turn away. "You don't have to worry about me anymore, okay? I get that you don't want to see me. I'll leave you alone now."

Tyler turns around, despite Jamie's grip, just for a second, to look at Brad. "Maybe one day, okay?" He says, and like that, they leave Brad in the parking lot, with his fists clenched at his side, breathing like he'd just run a marathon.

xvx

"So it's really over," Jordie says flatly when Tyler and Jamie tell him what happened. "I don't buy it."

"I think it is," Tyler says, dropping onto the couch next to Jordie and grabbing the remote from his hand to turn on the TV since Jordie is just sitting there dumbly staring at him.

"Yeah. It's over now," Jamie agrees, throwing his arm around Tyler's shoulders. "Everything turned out okay."

That night, they lie in bed and Tyler just marvels at how /big/ Jamie is; how he covers Tyler with his whole body, can manhandle him so easily in bed, and yet he doesn't -- he's always so careful with his hands, with how he sleeps, wrapped around Tyler instead of on top of him. 

Tyler wiggles himself under Jamie's arms and trails kisses onto his ribs until Jamie's giggling like a teenage girl and pulls Tyler down on top of him. "Hey, Ty?" Jamie grins up at Tyler, eyes wide. "Did you want to fuck me?" 

Tyler shivers, his cock swells, and his cheeks flush. "Yeah, please." And that's how he ends up with Jamie spread across the bed, fingering himself open since Tyler can't stop shaking long enough to do it himself. 

 

"Holy fuck, Jamie," Tyler groans as Jamie pulls Tyler down into a filthy kiss.

"Yeah, that's the idea," Jamie says cheekily when they separate.

Tyler manages to concentrate long enough to get his dick inside Jamie, at least.

"Are you happy?" Jamie asks Tyler suddenly, and he just -- he freezes up. Because the winter can be cold, but Jamie's arms have been warm and steady against his body. He's been happy, sure, so happy -- maybe the happiest he's ever been. The skies are still grey, and there's a nagging voice in the back of his mind that keeps saying he'll never be quite good enough, but those things will always be there.

"Yeah," Tyler says, "I'm happy." And he is, here in bed, his cock pressing into Jamie, holding him close, choking on his voice.

Afterward, as they lie in bed, Tyler tells Jamie, "I was thinking about what Brad said, and maybe I should go see a therapist too. I think I'm ready for that now."

"I think it'd be good for you," Jamie says, and pulls out his phone to help Tyler find someone with both the credentials and reputation in the area.

On Thursday, instead of going to the GSA meeting, Tyler goes to see a therapist for the first time in his life.

xvx

The last GSA event in March is a hike up a mountain on the outskirts of town. "I'm sorry I never took you on a hike before winter came in," Jamie shakes his head, disappointed in himself.

Tyler shrugs. "It's fine; we got distracted by other things. Besides, I finally get this hike now." 

Jamie laughs, tossing Tyler his waterbottle from the car before they head out to meet up with the group. It's a gorgeous weekend with minimal wind and the sun shines brightly from a mostly blue sky. The trails are busy, and the GSA group joins the throngs of people at the top.

"Come here," Jamie tugs Tyer off the trail a bit to the left, and over to a narrow rocky path. "The best view is this way." 

They fight through a few bushes and suddenly, Tyler has the entire city laid out before him like a platter. "Holy fuck."

"Yeah, I know, right? I found this place by accident when I was trying to find somewhere to take a piss," Jamie shrugs.

"Best accident," Tyler laughs, sitting on the rocky ground and hanging his legs off the cliffside. Jamie sits beside him, and Tyler leans his head on Jamie's shoulder; he doesn't know when Jamie's arm winds its way around his waist, but it feels sure, and solid.

Tyler closes his eyes, breathes in the fresh mountain air, and listens to the birds, and the sound of Jamie's heartbeat, thumping in his ear.

"Was it worth the wait?" Jamie asks suddenly.

"What wait?"

"For the hike," Jamie mumbles into Tyler's hair shyly.

"With you, it's always worth the wait," Tyler assures him, and refrains from pinching Jamie's cheeks when he blushes.

**APRIL**

"Happy fucking April," Brownie says; he's wearing a pair of rabbit ears, though Easter's still a few weeks away. "You get a Tyler for Easter."

"You're a fucking idiot," Tyler rolls his eyes, but lets Brownie in anyway.

"Who's here?" Eddie calls from the living room where he, Gabe, and Elias are duking it out on Mario Kart. 

"I didn't know he was coming," Tyler calls back, pushing Brownie into the living room.

"My semester finished early; thought I'd stop by on my way home," Brownie says cheekily, like Victoria isn't totally out of the way from Ontario. "Nice to finally meet you guys in person."

"You too," Gabe says, eyes still focused on the screen as he careens across the finish line. "Fuck your shells," he snaps at Elias, who bites back in Swedish.

Brownie fits easily into Tyler's life, just like he always has. He tags along and hangs out at Fer; he befriends Jordan in 0.2 seconds and has Ryan laughing at his dumb jokes a minute later.

He sleeps on the couch and eats their food, and then he's gone, off to spend the summer with his parents. He leaves the same way he came -- with a small backpack of clothes and bunny ears, on Easter weekend.

Once he's gone, Tyler gets into studying for his finals. Classes end with not a bang, but a whimper. The GSA goes out to the Devil's Lodge for an overwhelming amount of food, followed by beers at Slapshot.

They talk about the NHL and the upcoming playoffs, the local team and the currently happening playoffs, and the new American department stores opening in town. 

And then just as quickly as it began, it was over. Exams were done, books were sold to friends, and the GSA wrapped up and said their goodbyes for the summer. They hugged the kids that were graduating, congratulated the kids who made it through their first year, and moved on.

Eddie and Elias started packing -- Eddie moving to Vancouver to study at the university there, and Elias heading home to Sweden for the summer with no idea whether or not he'll return in the fall.

"You should just move in here," Gabe says suddenly, looking disdainfully at Elias' mostly empty room. Tyler nods.

Tyler also gets a real job; it's not a fancy job by any means, but he has to wear slightly nicer clothes and works in a building with eight floors and heavy security. He also deals with more money than he's ever seen in his life, and it kind of baffles him that he's reached the point in his life where people trust him wtih that.

Jamie, Tyler, Nate, and Gabe see of Elias and Eddie at the airport, and Tyler hugs them for what feels an eternity.

"Visit," Tyler demands, and they both nod. 

Gabe and Nate head back to the apartment, and Jamie takes Tyler to Fer. They take a table in the corner, quiet, away from the crowded restaurant. Andrew joins them after a few moments, and he asks, "Are you excited for summer?"

"I'm excited for my new job," Tyler admits. "It's just a summer position, but if they like me they'll hire me on for winter break too, and I might be able to do a co-op term with them."

"That's great," Andrew smiles. "I'm glad you found something that worked out for you."

"I'm just really glad I ended up here," Tyler says, squeezing Jamie's hand under the table, his other hand wrapped around his coffee mug. "I don't know where I'd be now if I had stayed in Boston. Maybe I wouldn't be alive today."

"If you could do it all over again, Boston I mean, what would you have done differently?" Andrew asks.

"I wouldn't have brought that gun to school," Tyler says. He drops Tyler's hand and wrings his own together, like he's trying to milk all the water from his skin -- they're dry already, and his nails dig into his wrists. "I would've tried to live a life, and not a moment."

"You're a good kid, Tyler," Andrew tells him. Tyler just hangs his head, because he doesn't deserve this life, but he has it anyway, and he's not going to let it go this time.

"Don't make that face," Jamie says, pulling him close and pressing a kiss to his temple. "You're better than that now."

Tyler can't help the smile that creeps onto his face. "I know," he says. When he kisses Jamie, Andrew just groans, throws his arms in the air, and walks away.

**MAY**

Patrice shows up on a Friday, and immediately greets Andrew with a kiss. "Holy shit, he's real!" Jordan screams loud enough to make every head in Fer turn to face him.

Tyler and Gabe, who are taking a break from moving Tyler's shit into the apartment next door, rush over immediately. "So he does exist," Ryan says, unimpressed, as he reaches out and actually pokes Patrice in the side to make sure he's real.

"Yes, he's real guys, I told you," Andrew sighs, exasperated. "Now go home and move," he rolls his eyes at Tyler, cuffing him lightly across the head.

"Only if you promise you'll be around long enough so we can properly meet him when he doesn't look like he just wants to jump your bones," Tyler demands.

"Of course. Come by tomorrow morning, okay? But right now, you should be moving and I should be welcoming my boyfriend to Victoria." Tyler's sure that sloppy kiss Andrew plants on Patrice is solely revenge for all the macking with Jamie at Fer.

Finishing the move isn't actually that hard -- Nate and Jamie show up later, and instead of unpacking Tyler's shit, they sit around on the boxes and watch TV for a while.

"What are your plans for summer?" Tyler asks Nate, who shrugs. "I'm taking a class, I think," he says. "I got a job at the new supermarket, so I'm going to be working more too."

"That's cool," Jamie hums. "I'm sure I'll see you around on campus since I'm taking a full course load this summer."

"I'm only taking too classes," Gabe laughs.

"You're a lazy fuck," Tyler jokes.

"Says the one who isn't taking any classes," Nate snorts.

"Yeah, but I have a full time job," Tyler rolls his eyes.

Nate rolls them right back and turns his attention to Gabe, who probably appreciates it more than Tyler anyway.

They go to Fer in the morning, as directed. It's a Saturday, but it's slow, and the staff are all working to keep the corner Andrew and Patrice have claimed quiet.

Jamie, Tyler, Nate, and Gabe join them, inhaling the smell of coffee thankfully. "So how long are you in town for?" Nate asks Patrice as Jordan brings them their food.

"For a long time," Patrice smiles, clutching Andrew's hand above the table. "I finally convinced my job to transfer me out here, so you'll have to put up with me for a while."

"I'm sure Andrew won't mind," Jamie snorts. 

"I think I can do a bit better than 'won't mind'," Andrew laughs, turning to press a kiss on Patrice's cheek. "I think we're all happy to have you here, so I'm not moping around all day anymore."

"Things can only get better from here," Tyler grins, raising his coffee mug for a toast. "To better days, guys."

"To better days."

xvx

That night, as they curl up together on the couch with Gabe and Nate, Tyler can't help but tuck himself close to Jamie's side and ask, "Jamie, do you... Do you ever wonder what you'd be doing, if you weren't here?" Jamie hums for a second, before turning to smile at Tyler.

"I always thought if I ever left home for whatever reason, I'd end up somewhere nice and hot, but not so exotic, like Texas, maybe."

**Author's Note:**

> I was depressed for a long time. I did a lot of things to try and fix that -- I went out, I went to a new city, I made new friends, I drank until I threw up, and then I stopped drinking altogether. I tried new things, I got scared, and I got better. And better is good, but these days, when things are this close to perfect, I still get scared. I'm still waiting for my life to fall apart and for the world to crush me. 
> 
> But I'm in school and getting good grades; I'm sober, I'm no longer in a destructive relationship, and I'm healthy. Everything's so perfect right now.
> 
> I can't fuck it up.
> 
> (thanks for reading xo)
> 
> ps. if any of you want to chat about fandom related things, I'm @Munnoaster on twitter, chloroformdreams on tumblr, and insomniacjams on LJ though I'm not on there nearly as much.


End file.
